Unfriended

While I’m a horror fan, I don’t get scared watching horror films. I watch for the atmosphere, for the WAY scares are delivered, for the originality of the situation. I don’t feel the fear, but I can feel the tension. While this movie has a novel delivery, it’s premise is so stock, its plot might as well be called Brand X, and it’s tension is non-existent. That isn’t the fault of the actors, who do a fine job, in particular the lead couple, who do a great job selling their cute teenage romanticism. The rest of the cast is far more stock, but nobody is bad here. Everybody lifts their load. Likewise, the delivery is unique, as the entire movie’s plot unfolds in real time on a computer screen, mostly in a Skype call between six friends. And I love how the kills are quick, mostly bloodless, and almost subliminal they’re so fast. You see flashes, a second or two of the big moment, but never a long, drawn out kill like a slasher. Your imagination fills in the blanks, and it’s well done. Unfortunately, that’s where the positives end. The script lets down everything. There are long awkward pauses full of nothing that don’t ramp up tension; they just feel like the movie stalled out. The script has the lead, Blaire, doing things like IM’ing and playing music in iTunes and looking up websites while she’s worried or panicked, which is just silly. And when she’s doing these things the Skype call goes silent, making the other people feel like window dressing for the Blaire show. But the worst sin is the story itself. A unpopular snobby teenager is humiliated by a video of getting so black-out drunk at a party, she passes out and soils herself, and ends up killing herself after being cyber-bullied over it. A year later, she’s after revenge on the six characters of the movie, out to reveal their secrets and make them pay. Problem #1: only two of the six are shown to have ANY connection to the video or it’s posting. The others posted harmful things on her page, but from the glimpses we got, DOZENS of people did. So why these six? The movie doesn’t answer that. 2) It never actually makes a statement on cyber-bullying. It doesn’t explore it. It’s just a plot vehicle, a way to put these six in harm’s way. 3) OOH A VENGEFUL SPIRIT KNOCKING OFF TORMENTORS ONE BY ONE HOW ORIGINAL. Forget the fact that the revenge-seeker is a revenant; the plot is Terror Train, Prom Night, Friday The 13th, The Burning ... shall I go on? The biggest problem, though, is that the movie gives us too much information too early on. The movie opens with video of Laura Barns’ suicide, we see part of the video that led her to commit suicide, and see a bunch of the bullying comments. But because none of the characters know what’s going on, we’re a step ahead. We already know it’s the spirit of Laura Barns. We have to wait for them to catch up, and that hurts any momentum this movie has for the first 30-45 minutes. It is infuriating to watch these characters see clues and make logical assumptions, while we know the truth. If it had not shown us the video and the Facebook comments, we’d be along for the ride, seeing the mystery and the horror unfold. Giving us the knowledge ruins the suspense. We’re just waiting for bodies to drop. There’s a good movie buried in Unfriended. I’d dare say that editing off the opening couple minutes alone would take it from a 4* movie to a 6*, maybe a 7*. Some tighter scripting, give everyone a stronger tie to Laura, and we could be looking at a classic. Alas, it falls woefully short. What should be good is just ... eh.