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Jerky

Criticker Zealot - 5900 Film Ratings

Member Since: Oct 17, 2010

Location: Montreal, Canada

Age: 42

Gender: Male

Bio: I like your face. I really do. If you like my face......send me a message and tell me all about it. Do you like high fives? I'll give you 6 of them for free. Ask for 7 and our friendship is OVER! You hear me? I don't joke about these things. I only joke about Roof Koreans. Ask your mom. She knows.
more Featured Reviews
85 98% Avengers: Endgame (2019) - Jun 13, 2019
"Marvel presents "Ocean's Eleven!" After 11 years, 22 films, 50+ heroes/villains and 48 hours of screen time, the MCU gets a much deserved and earned finale. Credit goes to all involved, in tying up loose ends, ending character arcs on a satisfying level, and wrapping up an entire universe with a big red ribbon. What I'm saying is that Marvel did in 48 hours what Game of Thrones couldn't do in 70 hours, with half the amount of story arcs. Ya blew it HBO....ya blew it!"
70 89% Interstellar (2014) - Apr 25, 2015
"Coolest part about this film was not knowing the casting (besides McConaughey), then when I first heard TARS, I said to myself, "hmmm...they got Matt Damon for the voice", then when I heard CASE, I thought "hmmm..Casey Afleck is the voice for this one".....then the film proceeded to blow my mind as both Damon and Affleck showed up on screen. Looking at the credits, I learn that neither voiced either robot. Then I realized the tv was off the whole time!!! And now I'm standing right behind you."
75 93% The Shape of Water (2017) - Mar 09, 2018
"The only "mute, friggin' herself in a tub" film you'll ever need! "
75 93% Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - Sep 04, 2019
"If you're WOKE, you better put 0 as your score or else I'm going to report you to the SJW Police (aka Vice, Salon, Vox, Buzzfeed, Slate)"
30 9% Mac and Me (1988) - Oct 24, 2010
"That fucking McDonald's dance scene has fueled my nightmares for 30 years!"
40 24% Taken 2 (2012) - Dec 20, 2012
"The Bourne Paternity!"
35 14% Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) - Oct 06, 2011
"Michael Bay has found a way to make giant robots and explosions boring. Good job!"
60 73% Captain Phillips (2013) - Dec 11, 2013
"They should have hired Steven Seagal as the cook on this ship. Things would have ended a lot sooner. On that same note, why don't these shipping companies hire private security with weapons for these runs? I'm pretty sure you can shoot a couple of Somalians in the head in international waters without it being a crime. I'm gonna open a school for sniper training and then contract them out to cargo ships sailing around Africa. I'm gonna be rich kid!!!! "
80 96% Saw (2004) - Oct 18, 2010
"Anyone who says they saw the twist coming is a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT NO GOOD LIAR BASTARD OF A BITCH AND I'LL "VAN DAMME" THEIR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF. Best ending ever!"
40 24% John Dies at the End (2012) - Mar 21, 2013
"Starts off well enough, begins to get tedious in the middle and by the end of it you're glad it's over with. Just like eating pancakes...or having sex with my wife!!! I kid, I kid...I don't have a wife. Forever alone."