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0 film ratings
Jerky

Criticker Zealot - 5980 Film Ratings

Member Since: Oct 17, 2010

Location: Montreal, Canada

Age: 43

Bio: I like your face. I really do. If you like my face......send me a message and tell me all about it. Do you like high fives? I'll give you 6 of them for free. Ask for 7 and our friendship is OVER! You hear me? I don't joke about these things. I only joke about Roof Koreans. Ask your mom. She knows.
more Featured Reviews
45 35% It Takes Two (1988) - Dec 31, 2016
"This is a film that was always stuck in the back of my mind since childhood. Hostess Potato Chips used to put movie stickers in bags of chips back in the 80's, and this was one of them, except that it was called "My New Car" Throughout the 90's, I tried to track this film down to view it, without much success, then ultimately forgot about it. Now having finally seen it, I should have thrown that sticker in the trash back in 1988!"
35 14% Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) - Oct 06, 2011
"Michael Bay has found a way to make giant robots and explosions boring. Good job!"
40 23% Taken 2 (2012) - Dec 20, 2012
"The Bourne Paternity!"
80 96% Saw (2004) - Oct 18, 2010
"Anyone who says they saw the twist coming is a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT NO GOOD LIAR BASTARD OF A BITCH AND I'LL "VAN DAMME" THEIR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF. Best ending ever!"
35 14% Model by Day (1994) - Nov 21, 2010
"This is when I first "discovered" Famke Janssen. I was 17 when I stumbled upon this "gem" of scantily clad models in skin tight outfits fighting crime. It was 2 in the morning and I was in bed flipping through channels. Age 17 + 2am + in my bed + sexy women on tv =? I'll let you do the math!"
40 23% John Dies at the End (2012) - Mar 21, 2013
"Starts off well enough, begins to get tedious in the middle and by the end of it you're glad it's over with. Just like eating pancakes...or having sex with my wife!!! I kid, I kid...I don't have a wife. Forever alone."
60 73% Captain Phillips (2013) - Dec 11, 2013
"They should have hired Steven Seagal as the cook on this ship. Things would have ended a lot sooner. On that same note, why don't these shipping companies hire private security with weapons for these runs? I'm pretty sure you can shoot a couple of Somalians in the head in international waters without it being a crime. I'm gonna open a school for sniper training and then contract them out to cargo ships sailing around Africa. I'm gonna be rich kid!!!! "
75 93% Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - Sep 04, 2019
"If you're WOKE, you better put 0 as your score or else I'm going to report you to the SJW Police (aka Vice, Salon, Vox, Buzzfeed, Slate)"
85 98% Avengers: Endgame (2019) - Jun 13, 2019
"Marvel presents "Ocean's Eleven!" After 11 years, 22 films, 50+ heroes/villains and 48 hours of screen time, the MCU gets a much deserved and earned finale. Credit goes to all involved, in tying up loose ends, ending character arcs on a satisfying level, and wrapping up an entire universe with a big red ribbon. What I'm saying is that Marvel did in 48 hours what Game of Thrones couldn't do in 70 hours, with half the amount of story arcs. Ya blew it HBO....ya blew it!"
30 9% Mac and Me (1988) - Oct 24, 2010
"That fucking McDonald's dance scene has fueled my nightmares for 30 years!"