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Velvet Crowe

velvet_crowe
Member Since
03 Jun 2010
N/A
TCI
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3241
ratings
2428
Films
129
Shorts
678
TV Series
6
TV Episodes
1209
Games
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0
collections
16
Recent ratings
3211
Minireviews
852
Starred reviews
See all TCIs
2428
Films
129
Shorts
678
TV Series
6
TV Episodes
1209
Games
See all ratings
16
Recent ratings
3211
Minireviews
852
Starred reviews
Bio: Former journalist, invested in humanities, fitness, and consuming garbage. Probably one of the few Criticker users who actually read comics and plays competitive video games. Subtlety is overrated. https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/176986912-drew https://twitter.com/DrewStr56396515
Recent Ratings
36 27%
D.E.B.S. (2004) - Rated 16 Oct 2026
I'm sure there was some 12 year old girl in 2004 who found this endearing and personally relatable. Unfortunately, I've never been a 12 year old girl living in 2004 so this movie just comes across as cheap slop that manages to only be watchable because the narrative at least knew how to pace itself. But otherwise, there's really nothing here to engage with other than the blandest lesbian romance you could possibly have put onto film.
62 62%
Kakurenbo: Hide and Seek (2005) - Rated 16 Oct 2026
Kinda of just a narrative pastiche to justify its visual style and... I'm just kinda ambivalent about it.
40 33%
The Odyssey (2026) - Rated 15 Oct 2026
The original Odyssey was a grand, mythical adventure that had a lot of cool surreal elements but Nolan dismisses all of that for a gloomy, exposition-ridden slopfest that feels it needs to make every piece of dialogue this grandiose statement and overcomplicate a simple narrative. I also don't get why Nolan thought Odysseus of all characters needed some sort of heroic deconstruction because he has absolutely nothing interesting to say about Greek myth or seems invested in actual Greek culture.
75 80%
Resident Evil (2026) - Rated 15 Oct 2026
This is a weird movie in that it's in a spot of being unconventional for both Resident Evil and Creggar. But I think it generally works because the movie doesn't waste time trying to justify itself and jumps between setpieces at a brisk pace, and I actually dig the idea that the protagonist is a dim wit who causes his own conflicts sometimes and stumbles into solutions. My main gripes is the ending and climax were a big nothing burger, felt like something that could use at least 10 more minutes.
88 97%
Chirin no suzu (1978) - Rated 13 Oct 2026
It's a perfectly paced tale about losing innocence and the cost of that. I love how much it destroys the image of tranquility in nature, portraying it as violent and boorish, that the only way to thrive is to embrace its depravity. But in doing so, you become something monstrous. Something unrecognizable by others, and come to conflict with your own nature. The ending tragedy is beautifully depressing.
56 55%
Beyond the Black Rainbow (2011) - Rated 13 Oct 2026
Entirely vibes based movie that makes me think some amateur filmmaker got REAL creative and specific about how everything in the movie looks. But tbh I kinda zoned out on it after a bit because its conceit didn't have anything particularly engaging to latch onto. If I were to compare it to Cosmatos' later work Mandy, I think what that had that this lacks is engaging lead characters that make their emotional baggage elevate the visual style and the stakes are expressed far better.
87 96%
Fallen Angels (1995) - Rated 12 Oct 2026
The vibe with this is one of emotional stuntedness, of being stuck in a pattern and not sure how to truly move on from it. I think the first half is absolutely incredible in terms of how it captures urban melancholy and the sense of lacking any real sense of self you want to attach yourself to. The second half has less of that, but I think it lands on the fragility of relationships and how the chaotic world often defines them, which is made all the more unforgettable due to its visual style.
85 94%
Malena (2000) - Rated 12 Oct 2026
I think what lands with me about Malena is its narrative framing. The story is about Malena but from the perspective of someone who only sees her as an object of fantasy, who sees her life as tragic but can’t go beyond seeing her autonomy as something he should exclusively possess. I think it’s a bit narrowly focused on conveying the desire but I think it visualizes this in a cool way to show ideals of masculinity in fantasy and then culminates this into a sudden realization of maturity.
73 77%
A Better Tomorrow (1986) - Rated 12 Oct 2026
51 48%
Wendell & Wild (2022) - Rated 30 Sep 2026
I think it starts strong with a lot of cool visuals and I love the premise of the afterlife theme park. But after it sets up its initially good premise it gets overly comfortable on obvious convention and I grew less and less interested in it the more it progressed. Kinda felt like this was Selick at his most tepid, guy just doing shit by the numbers and not really wanting to get ambitious with how his film moves or looks. It's way too static and limited in movement.