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Criticker Zealot - 7015 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 26, 2008

more Featured Reviews
65 44% Lone Survivor (2013) - Sep 27, 2020
"Claims of propaganda are highly selective. The heroes discuss and are prepared to execute unarmed children, the only objection that they might get caught. They then learn that combat means being torn apart piece by piece until there is nothing of you left, an insane and agonizing process leavened only by occasional moments of self-delusion. And even if you can somehow hold on, your army's poor resource management will fuck you over. Real NATION'S PRIDE material all right."
75 63% Twisted Issues (1988) - Aug 18, 2018
"Some godless amalgam of surreal splatter comedy, bad skate video, and No Waveish art project on Gainesville scumfucks. Recommended, obviously."
50 26% Teenage Twins (1976) - Mar 28, 2020
"There was a weird trope in 'classic' porn of one sister turning out another, sometimes for kicks, sometimes for cash, still others for Cthulu. (Actually typing that out now I realize it's just an update of the white slavery trope of ye olde bawdy potboilers). Anyway this shoulda been the best, with the superkewt Youngs as twins who can feel each other's orgasms and Baba Booey's gross uncle as their college professor stepdad who is attempting to track down the Necronomicon oh hey look 500 charac"
25 9% The Sleeping Dictionary (2003) - Aug 03, 2020
"Having referred to Emily Mortimer as Emily Watson in my LOVELY & AMAZING review, I decided to punish myself with another movie in which she is required to awkwardly display her nude body for a man's inspection in much the same way. Don't worry--I made doubly sure not to get aroused, merely stew in my own shame. Which then started to arouse me, but by that point I'd been sufficiently turned off by Jessica Alba's attempt at a Malaysian concubine to weather the storm. Also, cultural genocide."
45 21% Triple Frontier (2019) - Sep 06, 2020
"You suspect Boal takes pride in his work being described as "sober", as in a "sober, clear-eyed look at" war or police brutality or ex-mil dirty work. (HURT LOCKER is kinda the Alcoholics Anonymous of war movies: strenuous claims of non-politics obscuring a deeply political nature very friendly to American industry.) Just park him in a ten-year TV show and get Bigelow back to high-grade schlock. Chandor will be fine if he can remember the difference between sober and sobering."
80 73% Georgia (1995) - May 05, 2017
"A near-plotless succession of grand pathetic sights: John Doe and blotto JJL doing "I'll Be Your Mirror" at a Jewish wedding till she wanders off halfway through and passes out in the corner; strung-out John C. Reilly monologuing about trying to score on the road when you have no man to wait for; blotto JJL (ya lotsa that) ruining exquisitely Van Morrison's nine-minute "Take Me Back" at an AIDS benefit after promising to "kick the shit out of [AIDS]!" The tragedy of vicarious living."
30 12% Swamp Thing (1982) - Nov 03, 2020
"A crummy movie with a compelling performance by Adrienne Boobeau. I mean Adrienne Barboobs. I mean SWAMP THEM THAAAAAANGS"
80 73% Downsizing (2017) - May 24, 2019
"Depressing to see its politics written off as a "product of environmentalism and classist bullshittery" or worse, "trendy liberalism". Would that it were trendy to criticize our susceptibility to engineered desires, ghastly conflation of consumerism and activism, and predilection for corporatized comfortbait and apocalyptic hysteria at the expense of direct action and local care. Payne's patented crying-closeup-that-dares-you-to-find-it-grotesque missed for many; proof to me of tonal mastery."
75 63% Speech/Acts: A Dialectical Comedy (2020) - Apr 03, 2020
""Reading delivers on the promise that sex raises but hardly ever can fulfill – getting larger 'cause you're entering another person's language, cadence, heart and mind." - Chris Kraus, I LOVE DICK"
40 18% The Equalizer 2 (2018) - Aug 29, 2020
"So Denzel saves this girl whose mom owns this bookshop where he ordered In Search of Lost Time because it's the last title on this unspecified 100 greatest books list he's reading through except the one he buys is this single-volume mock-up that can't be more than a thousand pages and you're like what the hell Denzel why you reading a condensed edition that's kinda tacky or maybe they just wanted it in really bad and yep look at that they really did and nope not worth all this stress not at all"