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Criticker Zealot - 6910 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 26, 2008

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40 17% The Equalizer 2 (2018) - Aug 29, 2020
"So Denzel saves this girl whose mom owns this bookshop where he ordered In Search of Lost Time because it's the last title on this unspecified 100 greatest books list he's reading through except the one he buys is this single-volume mock-up that can't be more than a thousand pages and you're like what the hell Denzel why you reading a condensed edition that's kinda tacky or maybe they just wanted it in really bad and yep look at that they really did and nope not worth all this stress not at all"
90 89% Penitentiary II (1982) - Apr 16, 2019
"Between the opening parody of the Star Wars crawl that informs us our hero is in danger because Ernie Hudson didn't get to fuck his ass in the first movie and the finale in which the welterweight championship changes hands in a prison while an Al Michaels-impersonating announcer recreates the Miracle-on-Ice call before adding "I BELIEVE IN APPLE PIE!!! I BELIEVE IN BROTHERHOOD!!!" as a black midget fucks a hooker under the ring, there is a genuinely original satirical intelligence at work here."
70 52% The Seduction of Misty Mundae (2004) - Apr 17, 2020
"when ur quarantine becomes one of those twilight zones with the stressed businessman going back to his hometown except it's with stuff u spanked it to in 10th grade"
10 4% Amityville 3-D (1983) - Nov 04, 2020
"Why didn't Lori Loughlin just bribe the house?"
80 72% Downsizing (2017) - May 24, 2019
"Depressing to see its politics written off as a "product of environmentalism and classist bullshittery" or worse, "trendy liberalism". Would that it were trendy to criticize our susceptibility to engineered desires, ghastly conflation of consumerism and activism, and predilection for corporatized comfortbait and apocalyptic hysteria at the expense of direct action and local care. Payne's patented crying-closeup-that-dares-you-to-find-it-grotesque missed for many; proof to me of tonal mastery."
80 72% Georgia (1995) - May 05, 2017
"A near-plotless succession of grand pathetic sights: John Doe and blotto JJL doing "I'll Be Your Mirror" at a Jewish wedding till she wanders off halfway through and passes out in the corner; strung-out John C. Reilly monologuing about trying to score on the road when you have no man to wait for; blotto JJL (ya lotsa that) ruining exquisitely Van Morrison's nine-minute "Take Me Back" at an AIDS benefit after promising to "kick the shit out of [AIDS]!" The tragedy of vicarious living."
100 98% Final Offer (1985) - Dec 16, 2020
"Turns out there really was a great documentary about labour, GM, and Roger Smith made in the '80s. Not merely great, but singular: nothing else offers as direct a view of events as important and wide-ranging (obvious at the time, tragically so post-NAFTA). And few surely feature a protagonist as compelling or powerful--justly or not--as Bob White, in a story that really does play like a thriller. History has helped with the deux ex machina: they had us by the reproductive organs anyway."
50 26% When the Game Stands Tall (2014) - Jun 12, 2019
"All the Luke talk makes you wonder if the sins of Vic Mackey are why Chiklis is the comic relief assistant coach in a Christian Friday Night Lights rip. That said, this feints toward some interesting places, like the homoerotic relationship between two black players or the sadomasochistic one between Clancy Brown's superfan and his son, the weird intensity of which almost transcends the cliché. Real sad you gotta go to a God flick now to see humility & self-denial portrayed as moral strength"
75 63% Speech/Acts: A Dialectical Comedy (2020) - Apr 03, 2020
""Reading delivers on the promise that sex raises but hardly ever can fulfill – getting larger 'cause you're entering another person's language, cadence, heart and mind." - Chris Kraus, I LOVE DICK"
30 12% Swamp Thing (1982) - Nov 03, 2020
"A crummy movie with a compelling performance by Adrienne Boobeau. I mean Adrienne Barboobs. I mean SWAMP THEM THAAAAAANGS"