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Criticker Zealot - 7203 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 26, 2008

more Featured Reviews
95 95% Perceval le Gallois (1978) - Oct 09, 2020
"Though the aesthetic is part of a specific agenda, the variety/richness of its pleasures prompt a pang for the near-absence of hist. films risking anything like it. How nice to feast your eyes on action & handmade sets for their cultivated fakeness rather than avert your eyes from CG equivalents' standardized fakeness. Rohmer's remarks that true modernity involves fidelity to the past find an echo in Wendell Berry: if using a computer is a new choice, then choosing not to use one is even newer."
100 98% Final Offer (1985) - Dec 16, 2020
"Turns out there really was a great documentary about labour, GM, and Roger Smith made in the '80s. Not merely great, but singular: nothing else offers as direct a view of events as important and wide-ranging (obvious at the time, tragically so post-NAFTA). And few surely feature a protagonist as compelling or powerful--justly or not--as Bob White, in a story that really does play like a thriller. History has helped with the deux ex machina: they had us by the reproductive organs anyway."
45 21% Skyscraper (2018) - Sep 06, 2020
"Sometimes it's hard for me to watch Rock movies 'cause I'm mostly just picturing him having sex with everybody else in the movie. It's so much more visually interesting than what's usually on screen. This probably comes the closest yet to aligning the two, our fuck-shy Adonis ascending a giant phallic symbol to which he is "biometrically connected" to get access to a giant clitoral symbol, his clever manipulation of which is the thing that finally gets his wife to say "I love you" back."
65 45% Lone Survivor (2013) - Sep 27, 2020
"Claims of propaganda are highly selective. The heroes discuss and are prepared to execute unarmed children, the only objection that they might get caught. They then learn that combat means being torn apart piece by piece until there is nothing of you left, an insane and agonizing process leavened only by occasional moments of self-delusion. And even if you can somehow hold on, your army's poor resource management will fuck you over. Real NATION'S PRIDE material all right."
75 64% Twisted Issues (1988) - Aug 18, 2018
"Some godless amalgam of surreal splatter comedy, bad skate video, and No Waveish art project on Gainesville scumfucks. Recommended, obviously."
100 98% Benjamin Smoke (2000) - Mar 10, 2021
"Benjamin and GG Allin were both queer artists whose pansexuality was inextricable from their infamous performances; who proselytized with poignant naivete for the Dionysian ecstasies of rock and roll; whose substance-heavy pursuit of said ecstasies led to like deaths at like ages. Diff is one was a bore and a sadist (a forseeable result of adding childhood abuse to the equation), the other a gentle and soulful man who made music you might actually want to listen to: https://tinyurl.com/3hjfkvhd"
90 89% Penitentiary II (1982) - Apr 16, 2019
"Between the opening parody of the Star Wars crawl that informs us our hero is in danger because Ernie Hudson didn't get to fuck his ass in the first movie and the finale in which the welterweight championship changes hands in a prison while an Al Michaels-impersonating announcer recreates the Miracle-on-Ice call before adding "I BELIEVE IN APPLE PIE!!! I BELIEVE IN BROTHERHOOD!!!" as a black midget fucks a hooker under the ring, there is a genuinely original satirical intelligence at work here."
50 26% When the Game Stands Tall (2014) - Jun 12, 2019
"All the Luke talk makes you wonder if the sins of Vic Mackey are why Chiklis is the comic relief assistant coach in a Christian Friday Night Lights rip. That said, this feints toward some interesting places, like the homoerotic relationship between two black players or the sadomasochistic one between Clancy Brown's superfan and his son, the weird intensity of which almost transcends the cliché. Real sad you gotta go to a God flick now to see humility & self-denial portrayed as moral strength"
30 12% Swamp Thing (1982) - Nov 03, 2020
"A crummy movie with a compelling performance by Adrienne Boobeau. I mean Adrienne Barboobs. I mean SWAMP THEM THAAAAAANGS"
50 26% Teenage Twins (1976) - Mar 28, 2020
"There was a weird trope in 'classic' porn of one sister turning out another, sometimes for kicks, sometimes for cash, still others for Cthulu. (Actually typing that out now I realize it's just an update of the white slavery trope of ye olde bawdy potboilers). Anyway this shoulda been the best, with the superkewt Youngs as twins who can feel each other's orgasms and Baba Booey's gross uncle as their college professor stepdad who is attempting to track down the Necronomicon oh hey look 500 charac"