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jupiterbrando

jupiterbrando
Member Since
16 Apr 2009
N/A
TCI
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2313
ratings
1830
Films
227
Shorts
214
TV Series
1
TV Seasons
41
TV Episodes
450
Games
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1
collections
6
Recent ratings
1707
Minireviews
1625
Starred reviews
See all TCIs
1830
Films
227
Shorts
214
TV Series
1
TV Seasons
41
TV Episodes
450
Games
See all ratings
6
Recent ratings
1707
Minireviews
1625
Starred reviews
Bio: I love movies. I like talking about them. Feel free to message me and call me a stupid asshole if you disagree with one of my reviews, or if you just happen to feel like it.
Featured Reviews
25 16%
Russell Madness
Russell Madness (2015) - Rated 13 Mar 2015
For a movie meant for children, it spends an exorbitant amount of time on its plot. And you'd expect the plot to be about a kid and his puppy, but it's actually about his effeminate dad's descent into corporate Hell with Cliff from Cheers as the devil. I wanted terrible CGI of humans being attacked by animals. I got 90 minutes of exposition and a rip-off of Thunderstruck. This is the English Patient of wrestling dog movies.
5 2%
Cop Out
Cop Out (2010) - Rated 05 Apr 2014
If you'd told me this movie was a remake of Weekend at Bernie's with Bruce Willis as the reanimated corpse, I'd have believed you!
30 22%
The Fan
The Fan (1996) - Rated 28 May 2017
Bobby Rayburn is clearly supposed to be a stand-in for Barry Bonds, but Bonds himself is namechecked in the movie. despite being on the Giants at the time this film was made, he is not shown in the film, nor does he appear to make an impact on any of the games. I consider this incredibly unlikely, as Bonds holds the second highest WAR of all time on Baseball Reference, just barely behind Babe Ruth. boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder
30 22%
Rumor Has It...
Rumor Has It... (2005) - Rated 25 Jul 2009
The "twist" in this couldn't have come farther out of left field. It came from an opposing field across the parking lot, after being blown for miles from a much further away field, which is itself a part of a much larger field. And that field came from another dimension full of an infinite number of fields.
1 0%
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002) - Rated 17 Apr 2009
Unacceptably bad. Even giving this film a score is too generous. Hayden Christiansen is unfairly blamed, by the way. Everyone is terrible in this film, and Natalie Portman is the worst.
0 0%
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) - Rated 17 Apr 2009
Just as abysmally, unwatchably bad as Attack of the Clones, but it gets a zero for forcing me to hear idiots talk about how great it is because it's so dark and epic. Fuck you.