Kojiless
Bio: My life in 500 letters or less.
Featured Reviews
Check out Kojiless's...
| 3 T1 |  |
Undead or Alive (2007) - 06 Mar 2012
"Like a moist, week-old diaper lying in the gutter on skid row, or a half-developed quail fetus roasting over a bed of hot coals in a Burmese shanty town, some things are best left alone--as is the case with this festering cesspit. You will find more laughs watching Nick at Nite reruns of Double Dare than you will sitting through Chris Kattan make jokes about how Injun girls taste like gingerbread...'cause they're brown, get it? 3 points for Denton's acting, which wasn't as bad as lancing a boil."
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| 14 T2 |  |
Timeline (2003) - 04 May 2012
"A movie about a group of scientists who find a temporal plothole and pass through it so many times that the genetic makeup of their script becomes fractured beyond repair."
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| 10 T2 |  |
Your Name. (2016) - 11 Dec 2017
"Competently animated yet mercilessly cliched drivel-sauce crafted by people who silently hate their corporate lives so much, they spend day & night dreaming of those mythical 3 years of high school in which they believed their lives could be like those of the high school kids that they watched in some anime about the mythical 3 years of high school in which the kids didn't yet realize that in less than a decade's time they would hate their corporate lives so much they'd still be watching anime."
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| 78 T9 |  |
Fair Game (1986) - 20 Jun 2012
"Home Alone if Macaulay Culkin was a smokin' hawt Linda Hamilton clone trying to protect wildlife on her outback preserve, while vehemently refusing to wear a bra at all times. Mad Max if Mel Gibson was a trio of inbred crazies skinnin' roos and driving a demon-jeep. The Most Dangerous Game if the most dangerous game was tying that smokin' hawt wildlife preserver to the demon-jeep, slicing up her shirt and driving her around the desert, naked under the sun for none (except me, of course) to see."
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| 14 T2 |  |
She's All That (1999) - 28 Dec 2015
"When our "War with the Machines" (tm) has sent mankind back into a dark age where we must hide in abandoned sewers, eating charred rats and sipping urine to survive, terrified that a barking dog may signal the infiltration of a cyborg into our hideout...the elders will tell tales of a noble Prinze who won the heart of a lowly bespectaled castle Cook, and the children will then know that no matter how hard their lives now, nothing was worse than high school in 1999. (Cue "I Want It That Way")"
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| 24 T3 |  |
Father's Day (2011) - 12 Dec 2017
"Once you've taken a long, hard look at the Kaufman family's obsession with severed penises, you will realize it extends beyond mere voyeurism--it is rooted in something deeper: a firm belief in standing tall in the face of censorship. In a veritable stroke of genius, the Kaufmans have erected something big here--bigger than any of us could have imagined, and for that, we should all raise our weary heads and salute them."
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| 50 T6 |  |
Blood Father (2016) - 09 Dec 2016
"A hardened patriot with a brave heart living a quiet life in the desert beyond Thunderdome, Mel Gibson goes maverick after seeing signs that his daughter might be ransomed, and subsequently uses his lethal weapon to get payback."
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