Around the World in 80 Days

Around The World In 80 Days is the kind of movie they rarely make anymore. A breezy, calorie-free movie that only concerns itself with the lightest of adventures, the lowest of stakes, and a carefree attitude towards plot and substance. This is the cinematic equivalent of a flavored rice cake. You watch David Niven be the most British man to ever live in the movie British movie to ever happen, go around the world, encounter the broadest cultural stereotypes you'll see outside of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, and you're done; In three carefree hours. Three hours without a shred of substance whatsoever. I was prepared for this movie to be whimsical and light, but I was not prepared to have every obstacle brushed aside with the effort one puts in to avoid doing the dishes on a Sunday afternoon. This movie isn't low-stakes, it's no-stakes. The Sound Of Music has more urgency and danger. It's nice to see a Best Picture winner that isn't up its own ass with being artsy or Trying To Say Something Important, but World swings the pendulum so far in the opposite direction, it's hard to know who this movie was intended for. No child in the world is going to sit for three hours for this whimsical trip around the world that only visits like six countries. Sure, it's bright and colorful, but there is so much dead space, and the humor so sparse and dry, kids will find something else to do before Niven leaves London (probably before Edward R. Murrow finishes the nearly ten-minute lecture that opens the movie). And there just isn't enough depth to this movie to appeal to adults. This isn't a movie, it's an advertisement for a trip-around-the-world package at a travel agency. World is a gorgeous movie, sure, and there are some amusing moments sprinkled throughout. World doesn't offend or come off as pushy or pretentious. But it doesn't do much of anything else either. It isn't uproariously funny, it isn't a whirlwind, perilous adventure. It just is, and it's happy to do nothing but that. For a three-hour movie about a race against the clock around the world without modern technology, there feels more like a pleasant carriage ride through the countryside.