Hail, Caesar!

It’s hard not to compare this to The Big Lebowski. They’re both from the Coens, and they both go for this quirky, a-moment-in-the-life thing, where it’s not so much about a story arc, but following a snippet of someone’s life. The problem is in execution. Lebowski, while consisting of many divergences and sidetrips (the missing car, Maude wanting a baby), they still added to the journey. Maude wanting The Dude’s baby came from him visiting her in the course of Bunny’s disappearance; the missing car facilitated The Dude needing a taxi ride from the pornographer’s party. The side trips in this movie are just ... there. Why is ScarJo in this? Her character pops up, gets forgotten about for an hour, and pops back up again  so she can be written off in the most cursory of ways. The cowboy actor is only there to facilitate introducing the director ... so why do we need to see his cowboy movie? Or him on a studio-mandated date with a Latin American actress? Why did we need to see Channing Tatum’s dance routine? Why do we care about Mannix him possibly getting another job? Or the twin gossip columnists and their columns? There’s just so many scenes and characters that go nowhere and do nothing. The climax comes out nowhere, with the most cursory of explanations that will leave you confused. And while I love Josh Brolin, his character is no Dude. He’s gruff and unpleasant, a grimace in a fedora. He does not make you want to follow him. He’s meant to be a hard nosed Sam Spade type, but he’s just unlovable. The cinematography is great, I love the look, and many of the characters are fun. But it goes nowhere, and you’re stuck with a dour sourpuss as a lead as you go nowhere and take a million useless pit stops along the way. It’s hard to love. Appreciate, maybe, but you know the directors have done this before, and better.