Hollow Man

Hollow Man has so many reasons why it should be awesome. Kevin Bacon as a total sleaze turned total lunatic. Elisabeth Shue, Kim Dickens, Josh Brolin, and several great character actors A man being seduced by what misdeeds one could do while completely invisible to the naked eye. A blend of sci-fi and horror. Some pretty damned good special effects (outside of the dated 90’s CGI, which you can’t really get upset about). But the script. Good friggin lord, the characters in this movie are PAINFUL to watch. They’re supposed to be molecular biologists, nuclear scientists, doctors, veterinarians; highly educated people, ya follow? The teenagers in a C-level slasher aren’t as stupid as these people. At least they have the excuse of not knowing they’re in a life-or-death situation, so their dumb decisions have context. But here? Every minute Kevin Bacon’s Sebastian Cane is on screen is a fleet of red flags so vast, they could be seen from Pluto’s orbit without a telescope. He flaunts safety protocols, he lies to his bosses (the Pentagon!), and he tries to get his work partner-slash-ex to come back to him by sheer force of will, despite her clearly and distinctly not being interested. And that’s BEFORE he experiments on himself and turns himself invisible. What’s the first thing he does when he’s invisible? Sexually assaults a co-worker by unbuttoning her shirt while she sleeps and fondles her! What does she do? NOTHING. And that’s the story of the movie. He constantly does bad things or raises severe amounts of suspicion, and the response is “let’s see how it plays out”. He kills a dog and the response is “hmm, that’s weird”. The team doesn’t put their foot down until he admits to human murder, and that’s what they all succumb to every stupid slasher movie cliche. Splitting up … “I’ll be right back” … not using the one piece of equipment that provides a tactical advantage … getting the killer down and being satisfied with “incapacitated”. At every moment possible, when there’s a decision to be made, these supposed geniuses are so phenomenally moronic, it breaks immersion. Middle schoolers wouldn’t be as naive or lacking in common sense like these people. It is infuriating to watch them pass the stupid ball like the Harlem Globetrotters because the script can’t happen without everybody having the IQ of a rutabaga. I lost count of how many times I said some kind of “OH COME ON!” phrase. And then there’s the fact there is NO investment in the downfall of Sebastian Cane, because he is a douchebag from the first scene. There is no slow slide into madness. He starts off as a selfish, manipulative, obnoxious, abrasive asshole, and within a scene of turning invisible, he’s onto sexual assault. There is no Frankenstein-style tragedy of succumbing to his own hubris. Just bad becoming worse. I give it marks for everybody trying their damnedest to elevate this. Bacon chews the scenery in all the best ways, and Shue and Brolin are great protags. The non-CGI effects are excellent. It’s like they put together a really kick-ass stew — great veggies, perfectly seasoned gravy — and then substituted beef with chicken fat. I shouldn’t have to turn my brain off for a movie that aims to be a higher concept.