Mr. & Mrs. Smith

This is it. This is the most outlier movie in Hitchcock's filmography. I am sure of it. Everything else falls neatly into one of his tried-and-true buckets -- suspense, thriller, horror, espionage, morality play -- but Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a comedy. His only comedy. And I use that word VERY loosely. The story is about David and Ann, who have a tempestuous marriage where one of their chief rules is "nobody leaves the bedroom until the argument is settled". This results in long, multi-day standoffs. David admits over breakfast that, if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't get married, and later that day, finds out that through a jurisdictional snafu, they aren't legally married. He comes to the realization that he does want to be married. Ann, however, broken-hearted over his confession, decides it's over and moves on ... only David refuses to accept it. This is supposed to be the kind of romantic screwball comedy that were popular in this era. Libeled Lady, It Happened One Night, movies like that, where two headstrong people battle it out until they realize their antagonism masks attraction. It's a time-tested formula, and in the right hands and with the right actors, it can be charming and fun. This is not the right combination of actors and director. On the directorial front, Hitchcock is simply out of his depth here. None of his well-known directorial flourishes are on display here, and by 1941, they were properly established. Suspicion came out the same year (and, oddly, also deals with a rocky marriage full of distrust and resentment), and even though I found serious fault with how dragged out the movie was, it at least FELT like a Hitchcock movie. There is no trace of Hitchcock's visual language, staging, or flow. The humor is all but absent as well. Hitchcock could manage gallows humor, but overt comedy seems outside his wheelhouse, as he shows neither the timing nor delicacy needed for the jokes to live, or for comedic performances to flourish. It's especially that second point that hurts this movie, which ties into the script. David is, in no uncertain terms, an unrepentant jerk. When Ann throws him out and gets a job, he manages to get her fired. He steals the chain from the door lock on a visit to their apartment so he can break in. He stalks Ann and her new beau to a vacation spot. And he torpedos her reputation in front of the beau and his parents. He is a ghastly human being, totally unsympathetic and irredeemable in any way, and yet the movie is built around him and his chase -- because it sure as hell ain't a courtship -- of Ann. He never has to learn or grow as a person, he never sees the error of his ways, and he never faces consequences for his actions. He's a thick-headed, stubborn turd of a person, and in the end, he's rewarded. How is that funny? Why should I want to follow this creep and laugh at his foils? It's like that Simpsons episode where Sideshow Bob's brother auditions to be Krusty's sidekick by doing a pie-in-the-face gag. Krusty rejects him and gives him a bit of advice: "the pie gag only works when the sap has dignity". David has no dignity, so none of the metaphorical pie gags are enjoyable. All I could think while watching this was how this poor woman was being driven insane, having her life disrupted and turned upside down because of this clown. Credit to Carole Lombard for at least making Ann enjoyable. She was literally the only element of this movie holding everything together. This was a huge disappointment for me. I knew it didn't have the best reputation, but I was hoping I'd find something to like anyway. Maybe this would be one of those B-tier movies in Hitch's catalog that wouldn't be a home run, but would be a stand-up double. It's not. It was a swinging strike-out. Unless you're going for a 100% run on Hitchcock, there is no reason to watch this achingly unfunny movie.