Pinocchio

Tom Hanks’ disappearing/reappearing accent … the choice to make some CGI animals look realistic but others cartoony … Pinocchio looking exactly like the cartoon … Joseph Gordon Levitt’s terrible impression of Jiminy Cricket … the N64-ass animation in the Monstro sequence … Monstro having TENTACLES AND A STEGOSAURUS SPINE … All of these are sins this movie commits. But the biggest sin, the sin that engulfs and overshadows everything else, is that this movie is so blindingly pointless, so soulless and boring, it boggles the mind why it even exists. It even fails to evoke the nostalgia other Disney live action remakes need to have a heart-beat. This is as empty as the vacuum of space and infuriating as constipation, and deserves to be forgotten.