The VelociPastor

Coming into this, I was convinced The VelociPastor would be one of two things: either an earnest but inept low budget movie that had ambition far beyond its capabilities (see Birdemic, Troll 2), or a targeted attempt at the former that inevitably falls flat because it doesn't realize the genuine ineptitude is an essential part of being a so-bad-it's-good movie (see Birdemic 2). I'm stunned, honestly gobsmacked, to report that VelociPastor is neither of those. This is a satire of both of those. VelociPastor is here to take the piss on movies that aim for that meme-like so-bad-it's-good target, while also lovingly embracing those amateur, backyard filmmakers who can't bring their vision to life because they're making a movie on coupons and favors. And it is right there from the first minute, when the titular character sees his parents die in a car explosion, and instead of showing the viewer, there's a shot of a city street and the text VFX: CAR ON FIRE is across the screen. This movie is winking so hard at the audience, it's spraining a cheek muscle, and it is a delight. Even better is the makers of this know that this premise could get thin, so they are constantly throwing new, bizarre jokes at the audience, but they're also not padding this out in an effort to make a real movie. They know that intentional camp and low-budget satire that is itself low-budget could wear thin very quickly, so the movie is a lean, mean 70 minutes. This movie has a mission, and all it will consider is completing that mission, even if it does so in the most random, unusual ways. But this is a certain kind of surrealist, satirical, absurdist humor that won't play to everyone. Some people will not get it. If you can look at a movie poster and know the plot summary is "priest is cursed to become a were-dinosaur, uses powers to fight crime" and you're not intrigued? Then nothing in this movie will dissuade you. You're either on board up front, or you're not, plain and simple. I was, and I really enjoyed what I got. And if you have even the slightest inkling that, as dumb as this sounds it could be fun, then give it a watch.