The VelociPastor

I mean, it's effective from the "insert VFX of burning car". Dry delivery, comical jump cuts ("Do you have anything I can wear?"), decapitated mannequin heads and an inflatable velociraptor costume . . . it all works, and doesn't overstay its welcome at just over an hour long. Watch it with friends; it'll surprise you.

My God, this is insanely awful. I loved it.

The greatest thing about this is that it clocks in at an inoffensive 75 minutes.

It takes actual skill to be this good at being bad. From 'VFX of burning car' to the purposely over-dramatic camera zooms, this movie had me going Wow like Owen Wilson in the trailer for The Last Jedi.

So bad it's good. Velocipastor has the slight flaw(?) of being evidently in on the joke. It only shows through once or twice though. For the most part it is just hilarious, and that is about it.

Pretty much every scene is absolutely hilarious. I really can't find anything wrong with it. You might be bothered by the fact that it's trying to be awful.

Had 0 right to be this funny. Doesn't outlast its welcome, loveable garbage, also it was shot on 16mm which is surprising for a film of this calibre, or lack thereof. I can't hate it.

There's a very difficult trick to getting these movies right; part of it is actually being funny, part is knowing your limitations and how to use them. Velocipastor, despite at first looking like yet another bad-on-purpose Birdemic ripoff, has enough heart and goddamnity to actually pull it off. Someone give Brendan Steer an actual budget next time.

The name tells you it will be stupid, but I was not prepared for just how incredibly asinine it truly is. It doesn't have a single performance worth watching. There isn't a shred of humor to laugh at. The special effects are lame. In fact, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It is absolute crap, a waste of time, money and resources. Completely pathetic.

Look, it made me laugh so much and it's got a velociraptor... kind of. I knew what I was getting into when I started watching it and I wasn't disappointed. It's hilariously bad while celebrating on the fact. Sometimes you just need therapy like this, plus priests turning into dinosaurs. The woods that are randomly China, the way the bad guys laugh awkwardly, the FX of a car burning, the rubber dinosaur, the way the main character's girlfriend is suddenly beating up ninjas. What else do you need?

Disappointing, I was expecting a fun trashy inept movie instead it was a let's just made a piece of shit movie shitty on purpose film.

This is a deliberate attempt at making a "so-bad-it's-good" B-movie. That's really hard to do because you have to ride the line between "funny bad" and "boring bad". I expected silly dialogue, clunky fighting and a goofy costume. And we do get that. For about 5 minutes. The "hunchback of the Cretaceous" costume is hilarious and they only use it once. There's a few good lines. That's it. The other 63 minutes are filled with boring dialogue. Oh god, and it's so slow it feels like a 3 hour movie.

It made me laugh many times. Probably better with friends

https://esperwatchesfilms.tumblr.com/post/643112985786761216/the-velocipastor-2018

"The VelociPastor" leans into its low-budget constraints, transforming limitations into its unique charm. Far from a drawback, the modest special effects, intimate close-ups, and exaggerated acting combine to create an authentically enjoyable experience. The standout moment for me? When a pending sex scene morphs into a punk rock video—a surprise twist that I found enjoyable.