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Celluloid Junkie - 3208 Film Ratings

Member Since: Jun 30, 2007

Location: Los Angeles, California, USA

Bio: After a fairly Lynchian childhood in an American suburb, I moved to Japan at 13, saw foreign film, and it destroyed my fragile little mind. Now forever damaged, I live in LA, have degrees in Cinema and Religion, a Masters in Information Science, and watch too many films in between writing projects. Life goals: direct a film, and see a UFO.
more Featured Reviews
1% Left Behind (2014) - Jan 14, 2015
"Dear World, on behalf of Christians everywhere, I am sorry. I am sorry we proselytize through fear and an anti-social lack of empathy. I am sorry we caricature minorities & faiths in embarrassing ways. I am sorry we throw our biggest budgets behind the iffiest of theologies, like pre-tribulation rapture and an age of accountability, while ignoring our most profound concepts. But above all, I am sorry we can honestly say Nicolas Cage is the classiest thing here and still keep the 9th commandment."
85 82% Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017) - Dec 15, 2017
"Last Jedi manages to intercut a dozen characters of consequence between and through scenes, across the universe and within internal states, and somehow keep its core logic unscathed. And that logic is founded on a sly disregard for fan service. You want proclamations of heredity and lore? Go watch the Prequels. When Luke tosses his lightsaber, he dismisses an entire cottage industry built on safety and expectation. It's a blockbuster looking forward and not back. The sacred texts are burning."
96 96% Bad Lieutenant (1992) - Oct 15, 2009
"An NC-17 Christian film. That turns off nigh-about everyone. Add to that the required existentialism and a full frontal of a drugged-out, whimpering Keitel, and I'm surprised I can find it at Blockbuster. Its Christian quandary: God redeems anyone, no matter what, without penance or merit. And this is the perfect illustration of that spiritual conundrum, personified by Keitel."
86 84% Burden of Dreams (1982) - Mar 21, 2011
"Is Werner Herzog a) simply batshit insane or b) better at everything than you? I'll take c) All of the Above. Herzog's waxing poetic should give any aspiring filmmaker both pause and awe. Seeing what seems like otherworldly determination in spite of defeat, and the natural and cultural factors that would strike down a lesser man, is enough to make me also want to steal a camera and claim it was for the greater benefit of mankind."
84 80% The Player (1992) - Feb 02, 2020
"I once interned in a major studio development office and it's pretty much this film: celebrity cameos and rampant blackmail and execs asking me to check their suits for bloodstains. Don't ask questions you may get answers. This made me remember that time I got out of a parking ticket by claiming to be a Scientologist. You may think I'm making that up but it's Hollywood, baby. All the world's a stage and we're... not making another Shakespeare - costume pictures aren't in right now."
100 99% A Serious Man (2009) - Feb 20, 2010
"A modern-day Job, but in this variation, despite the same pleading and anger due to surreal happenstance, God has no voice to rebut either the 3 rabbis or poor Larry. What does that mean? I dunno. Jefferson Airplane."
59 34% Jupiter Ascending (2015) - Nov 20, 2019
"I have a soft spot for this pointy-eared batshit space opera Thumbelina featuring galactic fallen angels, Freudian reincarnation and Eddie Redmayne shouting evil deeds like a boomer chain smoker whispering sweet nothings through a floor fan. It's so focused on world-building it doesn't realize everything looks and sounds like garbage. It's also a near-perfect fairy tale masquerading inside a young adult dime novella and that's it's own kind of impressive."
88 87% Wings of Desire (1987) - Oct 05, 2020
"Understands and deconstructs the melancholy of Hebrews 13:2, potently applied to the city of Berlin- a place fractured, split, "fallen", perhaps, separated from its intended wholeness, cut down the middle by a crumbling, flaming sword covered in graffiti. The Witness of the angels lends every human experience legitimacy. Their curiosity reminded me of another verse: Who does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. We are all children, be kind to each other, companero."
40 15% The Wizard of Gore (1970) - Dec 04, 2020
"The same plot as The Last Temptation of Christ, but way less controversial. "
94 94% Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) - Jul 31, 2019
"Perhaps Tarantino's most formally, symbolically, and narratively daring work since Pulp Fiction. Yes, it's often indulgent and overlong, but when your central theme is the retreat into (and conflation of) fantasy and reality, that's ok. Film rule: if you see it, it happened. So, the ending is Tarantino affirming, through his reality (movies!), that a few whacked-out hippies did not destroy the idyll of filmdom: It lives on. There's a reason why Cielo translates to Heaven."