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Jerky

jerky
Criticker Zealot
# Film Ratings: 6234
# Game Ratings: 125
Member Since: 17 Oct 2010
Location: Canada
Age: 47
Bio: I like your face. I really do. If you like my face......send me a message and tell me all about it. Do you like high fives? I'll give you 6 of them for free. Ask for 7 and our friendship is OVER! You hear me? I don't joke about these things. I only joke about Roof Koreans. Ask your mom. She knows.



I also stream....sometimes: www.twitch.tv/clift00ze

Featured Reviews

75 93%
The Shape of Water
The Shape of Water (2017) - Rated 08 Mar 2018
The only "mute, friggin' herself in a tub" film you'll ever need!
40 23%
John Dies at the End
John Dies at the End (2012) - Rated 21 Mar 2013
Starts off well enough, begins to get tedious in the middle and by the end of it you're glad it's over with. Just like eating pancakes...or having sex with my wife!!! I kid, I kid...I don't have a wife. Forever alone.
80 96%
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) - Rated 20 Aug 2017
What I said in my "Civil War" review holds up nicely here...Tom Holland is the BEST Spider-Man! While I still think Raimi's Spider-Man 2 is the best Spidey flick, this one gets extra bonus points for not doing another origin story, and connecting it to the MCU with just a few scenes. Keaton improved on what was a terrible villain in the comics, the Vulture...basically just an old bird man. Wait....BIRD MAN you say...my god!!!!! Mind blown.
85 98%
Avengers: Endgame
Avengers: Endgame (2019) - Rated 12 Jun 2019
Marvel presents "Ocean's Eleven!" After 11 years, 22 films, 50+ heroes/villains and 48 hours of screen time, the MCU gets a much deserved and earned finale. Credit goes to all involved, in tying up loose ends, ending character arcs on a satisfying level, and wrapping up an entire universe with a big red ribbon. What I'm saying is that Marvel did in 48 hours what Game of Thrones couldn't do in 70 hours, with half the amount of story arcs. Ya blew it HBO....ya blew it!
30 9%
Mac and Me
Mac and Me (1988) - Rated 24 Oct 2010
That fucking McDonald's dance scene has fueled my nightmares for 30 years!
35 13%
Model by Day
Model by Day (1994) - Rated 21 Nov 2010
This is when I first "discovered" Famke Janssen. I was 17 when I stumbled upon this "gem" of scantily clad models in skin tight outfits fighting crime. It was 2 in the morning and I was in bed flipping through channels. Age 17 + 2am + in my bed + sexy women on tv =? I'll let you do the math!
80 96%
Saw
Saw (2004) - Rated 18 Oct 2010
Anyone who says they saw the twist coming is a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT NO GOOD LIAR BASTARD OF A BITCH AND I'LL "VAN DAMME" THEIR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF. Best ending ever!
40 23%
Taken 2
Taken 2 (2012) - Rated 20 Dec 2012
The Bourne Paternity!
75 93%
Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - Rated 04 Sep 2019
If you're WOKE, you better put 0 as your score or else I'm going to report you to the SJW Police (aka Vice, Salon, Vox, Buzzfeed, Slate)
45 34%
It Takes Two
It Takes Two (1988) - Rated 31 Dec 2016
This is a film that was always stuck in the back of my mind since childhood. Hostess Potato Chips used to put movie stickers in bags of chips back in the 80's, and this was one of them, except that it was called "My New Car" Throughout the 90's, I tried to track this film down to view it, without much success, then ultimately forgot about it. Now having finally seen it, I should have thrown that sticker in the trash back in 1988!