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miss jesus

miss_jesus
Member Since
16 Apr 2008
N/A
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2427
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2415
Films
3
Shorts
8
TV Series
1
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0
Recent ratings
736
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567
Starred reviews
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2415
Films
3
Shorts
8
TV Series
1
TV Episodes
See all ratings
0
Recent ratings
736
Minireviews
567
Starred reviews
Recent Ratings
21 4%
Escape from the Bronx (1983) - Rated 25 Oct 2010
Marginally better than the original, probably because the plot was less incoherent. The most notable thing about this movie is not the spacesuit-wearing cops who march through the Bronx incinerating hobos alive, but the last half hour of the film, which is literally nothing but one death after another. I like to think my friends and I are pretty seasoned viewers of action and B-movies, and at one point someone exclaimed "is anyone even left?!?"
66 60%
How to Train Your Dragon (2010) - Rated 25 Oct 2010
Considerably more fun than the preview implied. The animation looks great all-around, I liked the message, and they did a good job of making the dragons look both adorable and threatening. On the flip side, I'm up to here with stories about misunderstood teens--apparently teens' disproportionate amount of disposable income nowadays seduces Hollywood into making the same movie every other week. Also lame: Viking kids have American voices and adult Vikings have Scottish voices.
18 3%
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) - Rated 19 Oct 2010
Amazingly dumb. The beginning is nothing but grandstanding on the subject of nuclear disarmament and whether Superman should do something about it. Then everyone forgets all about the failed nuclear summit and Superman instead fights a dumb villain who gets his strength from the sun for the rest of the film. Breaks rules from previous films and many laws of physics. Superman misses many opportunities to avoid disaster by turning back time or dropping off the bad guy on the dark side of the moon.
70 67%
Ip Man (2008) - Rated 18 Oct 2010
Donnie Yen is amazing as usual, coolly deflecting one strike after another and then snapping a leg in two. The choreography isn't always perfectly realistic, with subtle wire work here and there, but it does look great. It's an engaging story as well, though I'm deducting major points because for a true story, it seems as if it was cobbled together from too few historical records, and the editing doesn't cover up for that.
26 7%
Santa Claus (1959) - Rated 13 Oct 2010
Because I have a soft spot for hilariously bad old movies, I wanted to genuinely like this one. But the truth is that it's about as Christmasy as a bad acid trip. If the blown out colors don't make you ralph, then the film's apathetic and bizarre attempts to be heartwarming will. You see, a devil is after Santa Claus, and if you can't find cinematic delight at Santa's ability to foil diabolical hijinx and get stuck in trees, well, this film isn't for you. It sure wasn't for me! Yay MST3K.
17 3%
The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) - Rated 13 Oct 2010
I, too, was going to post a review that read 'Flag on the moon, how'd it get there?' But when I think about it, that would imply that this movie was fun, and without the MST3K, I'm quite sure it isn't. The pseudo-beat-poetry in the beginning might make you think something interesting is going to happen, and there are moments not long afterward where the director made some smart choices--but the rest is a series of disappointments, somnolent pacing, and unfunny failure.
23 5%
The Fourth Kind (2009) - Rated 12 Oct 2010
For anyone who has read about these alleged phenomena, this story is both predictable and ridiculous. The whole owl/alien thing, classy. Sumerian possession, WTF? The worst thing about it is the useless and irritating method of presentation, with two actors for every role, split frames, and a dramatization alongside the movie. Then insane stuff starts happening in the dramatizations and the film makes no attempt to explain it, despite having committed to fantasy already. Total crap.
94 95%
Max Headroom (1985) - Rated 11 Oct 2010
An awesomely, unbelievably prescient film, and one of the only films to ever come close to getting cyberpunk right.
31 10%
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) - Rated 11 Oct 2010
A hooded figure concealing a dagger pauses on a rooftop beam, the camera spinning around him. In a Jesus Christ pose, he dives. He stealthily wends his way through a crowd, when only a moment ago he was making death-defying leaps across stone rooftops and engaging in speed-ramped hand-to-hand combat. It's the movie based on the video game.......Prince of Persia?!?
56 43%
Let the Right One In (2008) - Rated 11 Oct 2010
Tremendously overrated. Vampires are a ridiculous concept--they can be believable in film, but their powers and behavior are way over the top. Let the Right One In approaches the vampire trope like something that can be presented subtly to create good art; I disagree. If you're not going to go gory, funny, or sexy, and intend to explain nothing about your vampire, why even make a vampire movie? The main characters here are too dull and morose to make up for what's missing.