Mary Poppins Returns

It's a very gimmicky movie. Mary's mannerisms (although Emily Blunt's timing is pure gold), every story/emotional beat, the songs, their messages, the themes, balloon lady, Lin-Manuel Miranda, everything feels like it's supposed to remind you of Mary Poppins, instead of actually reminding you of or feeling like Mary Poppins. I do have to say, though, that Emily Blunt does all she can here, as do most of the actors. Especially Mery Streep, who makes - surprise surprise - her scene the most entertaining part of the movie. And the most memorable. All of which, sadly, only amplifies how dull the rest of the movie is.

The effects look very cheap, the clock tower heist was seriously out of tone, and the romantic subplot between Jane and LMM felt really out of place and forced. Like, zero chemistry. As actors and as characters.

The chimney sweeper dance number towards the end could have been interesting. But wasn't. Which is probably because of modern dance. Or hip hop dance. Or street dance. Or whatever it's called. 'cause it seems to be all about athleticism and being technically difficult (how many vaults they can manage, how high can they jump...), instead of looking like you're having fun. It's been a while since I've seen Mary Poppins, but I can't remember anyone in that movie trying so hard to look cool and composed when dancing. Like, how dull do you need to be to not realize that kind of attitude is pretty alienating. I might be out on a limb here, but in my estimation kids respond much better to "Let's be silly and whacky and have fun together!" than "Look how cool I am! This perfect movement!"

And the songs are too serious. They feel more like badly disguised PSAs than fun songs for children with a little appropriate message on top. At least I assume kids can generally relate more to medicine tasting nasty than getting lost in a dark alley. Probably, because kids tend to get sick more often than lost, and taking medicine is disgusting, but not terrifying. Like getting lost in the dark. Bottom line: there's nothing remotely interesting or memorable about any of the numbers.

Like whoever made this forgot that Mary Poppins is a fun and playful movie. What the hell...
Just look at the way you're introduced to this world. A blue-ish, grey, boring-looking London. Lin Manual Miranda doing a horribly annoying voice and accent, riding on a bike and singing. Period. No dancing. No interesting visual little intricacies or ideas, no world-building, no choreography, no performance. He's just slowly riding through a boring looking town on a bike, singing about stuff you've forgotten about after 10 seconds, greeting extras. He doesn't even emote or do anything remotely performative (beyond clichés). He just rides a bike. And at one point literally rides away from the camera. While singing. With his back turned. Doing nothing, but riding his bike away from the camera, down a road. It's one of the movie's longest shots (I think). Come on...
Sadly, the opening is very symptomatic of the majority of all musical numbers in the movie. People stand or walk around. And the camera adds nothing. :(
'cause that's the thing: I really liked him, when he had something to do (which rarely happened). Besides the terrible accent. Which is actually terrible, by the way, not silly-bad like Dick van Dyke's. When he was busy dancing and singing (and emoting) I actually liked him the best. Whenever he was talking I got a sudden urge to skip to the next scene. I call it Nicolas-Cage-syncrome. The more he has to work, the better he is. Don't let him be himself. :>

There's really no-one I could recommend this movie to. Except for people who like boring things.