It's Alive

I expected one of two things from this movie: either a white-knuckle horror movie going heavy on the splatter, or embracing the ridiculous concept and leaning into the camp. It’s Alive does neither. It slowly, lazily lumbers through a half-hearted exploration of parental disassociation with their new children (but only really the dad). It introduces parts that might sound interesting — the media getting hold of it and turning it into a scandal, the police investigation, hints of the mutant baby being the product of a prescription drug — and never does anything with them. It spends so much time thinking being inert is building tension, and making the main character unlikeable. It is the kind of movie one can watch while playing a game on their phone and not miss a moment of it.