The Hidden

Contrary to what fart-sniffing, self-important, cultural gatekeepers like Martin Scorsese and Christopher Nolan think, not every movie needs to be some profound statement or driven by artistry. It is perfectly fine for a movie to not have ambition beyond "here's a story, hope you enjoy it". Back To The Future is an immaculately crafted movie, entertaining from start to finish, but it doesn't try to be anything more than a romp about a kid going back in time and meeting his parents as teenagers, and God bless it for that. I don't need it to be a statement on Vietnam or a psychological exploration of PTSD or some deep, meaningful thing that resonates with you throughout the day. Sometimes, a movie is allowed to just be fun. The catch to being just a movie, however, is that it should be the best version of itself. Predator, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Animal House, all of these are movies with no loftier ambitions than being entertaining, and they all exceed the mandate by being exquisitely crafted movies. The Hidden is definitely a movie that exists to entertain and nothing more, and that's fine. But it never tries to be the best version of itself either. It just exists. The premise is solid enough. An alien monster that uses human bodies as hosts, and for no explained reason, is a murderous, thieving, carnage machine. It has to hop bodies when the one it's in gets too damaged. If you're a Friday The 13th fan, you'll recognize this as being remarkably similar to Jason Goes To Hell, and it is. It's an understatement to say this movie served as an inspiration, right down to the "there's only one weapon that can kill it, and only one person who can use the weapon" gimmick. Fortunately for The Hidden, this gimmick is unburdened by being the ninth movie in a franchise. It can be what it wants to be: cops chasing an interstellar slug. It's just that, that's all it is. It's in a body, the body gets incredibly damaged, it jumps. The cops are a step or two behind. The new body gets damaged, it jumps, and the cops are a step or two behind. Repeat until end. The acting is fine enough for what this is, the action is fine, everything is fine, but the movie is so repetitive in its format, the excitement wears off by the end. It wouldn't be so bad if The Hidden tried to hold its cards close to the vest and not tell the viewers who the monster is, but since the monster is a rampaging lunatic with uncontrollable urges, it's impossible. It leaves the movie feeling painfully repetitious. It also has no ability to play it coy with the big twist. Thirty minutes in, and it has revealed its secret with all the subtlety of the fires of Gondor, but the characters in movie don't know it, leaving the viewer in a constant state of "yeah, we know, GET ON WITH IT". The Hidden is a passable movie. You put it in, you have a romp for 90 minutes, and you go on with your life. I'm fine with that. I'm not mad at the movie for not being better than alright. I'm just disappointed. It's watchable, enjoyable, and even fun. It just could've been more of all of those.