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Celluloid Junkie - 3081 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 45

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
more Featured Reviews
85 91% Cannibal Holocaust (1980) - Aug 14, 2007
"The animal violence is indefensible (Deodato was prosecuted and has since renounced his actions), but this is a savage and involving horror film. Riz Ortolani's pulsating score is the perfect accompaniment to the hell unfolding on screen. You can't look away. The last 20 minutes are among the most terrifying ever committed to celluloid."
90 95% Mandy (2018) - Feb 03, 2019
"When a woman is burned to death by a psychotic pack of acid soaked hippies, her boyfriend goes insane and murders everyone. Imagine if Roger Corman and Nicolas Winding Refn had a baby and baptized it in mescaline. The simple revenge plot is amazingly well served by the creaky, ominous score and frankly mindblowing psychedelic visuals. A physically draining but ultimately rewarding trip dripping with style, blood and LSD. Nic Cage is a goddamn monster, and this might be the best film of 2018."
20 6% A Beautiful Mind (2001) - Aug 14, 2007
"BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm supposed to believe that Russell Crowe is a genius? I'm sorry, I can't suspend my disbelief quite THAT far."
20 6% Two Moon Junction (1988) - Aug 12, 2011
"I actually sat through this entire shitty movie just to see Kristy McNichol's boobs. Life sure sucked before Google image search, kids."
30 11% Hard Candy (2006) - Aug 20, 2016
"A dangerously psychotic lunatic captures a delusional narcissistic pedophile, and they talk and talk and talk until eventually one of them kills themselves, presumably to end the boredom. A stupefying film that seems to have nothing to say about the two terrible people it shows us. Has a couple of tense moments, but none of it is exciting, fun or thought provoking. It's certainly not as clever as it clearly wants you to think it is. Ellen Page is a fine actress, but this was a bad choice."
10 3% Newsies (1992) - Aug 14, 2007
"A musical about angry paperboys at the turn of the 20th century. Who in the hell thought this material would be interesting in the slightest?"
45 21% Seventh Son (2014) - Feb 20, 2015
"Picture Star Wars set in a Middle Earth populated entirely by one dimensional archetypes and you've got a pretty good idea of what this is like. At least Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore seem to recognize they're in a piece of shit and try to ham it up admirably, but the charmless Ben Barnes plays the dopey lead role with annoyingly earnest seriousness. There's a few minutes of fun "giant scaly lizards destroy a CGI village" action near the end but boy do you have to wait forever to get to it."
60 40% They Eat Scum (1979) - Jan 18, 2013
"This no-budget DIY film from Nick Zedd is absolutely mental. It's technically a total mess, but it's a wild ride with non-stop abrasive insanity. Hairy transvestites and rabid poodles? Sure. Cannibalistic punk rockers mutilating their own genitals? Why not? A woman being force fed a live rat? Gross, but fascinating. A guy blowing his dog? Er, well that's kinda weird....an army of disco obsessed mutants led by a giant cockroach? OK seriously, WTF? "
65 51% Bad Boys (1983) - May 01, 2012
"By the numbers character study of teen angst set in a juvenile detention facility. The DVD blurb declares Sean Penn as "the greatest actor of his generation", and he really lays it on thick in several scenes here...glowering, jaw clenching, crying, moody nostril flaring, etc. He even swings a pillowcase full of soda cans at a homosexual rapist played by a mincing Clancy Brown sporting a huge blonde mullet. Now that's quality acting."
70 63% The East Is Red (1993) - Jul 15, 2011
"After a cataclysmic battle that ends with a castle literally falling on his head, supreme kung fu eunuch Asia the Invincible is presumed dead, but he's really just in hiding among the ruins. When he hears that others are exploiting and profiting from his name, he sets out to slaughter all the fakers, turning the martial world on its ear. Explosive and kinetic fight scenes including sewing needle fu, some fun naval battles and Brigitte Lin inexplicably surfing on a swordfish. "