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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2968 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 42

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
70 T7 Bloody Birthday (1981) - Jul 18, 2012
"Pretty standard "town terrorized by psycho killer who eventually traps the final girl in a house" type flick, made exceptional by the fact that the psycho killers are a trio of amoral 10 year olds. There's some hokum astrology half-explanation for their behavior, but mostly it's just fun watching kids stalk and murder adults. The kids are appropriately creepy and innocent in equal doses, there's plenty of gratuitous nudity and it's got some novel kills. A quality film."
30 T2 Patch Adams (1998) - Aug 13, 2007
"Shamefully bad melodrama that expects us to believe that kids would actually laugh at Robin Williams in a clown nose instead of recoiling in terror."
65 T6 Clean and Sober (1988) - Aug 13, 2007
"Wow, I never knew Batman was such a good actor."
T1 My Girl (1991) - Aug 13, 2007
"Macaulay Culkin dying is the only good thing that happens in this movie."
60 T5 Cut and Run (1985) - Apr 20, 2013
"Let's see...Michael Berryman, Karen Black and Willie Aames in a cheap Italian jungle schlockfest packed with machete wielding natives? Yes, please! The story is utter nonsense involving a Jonestown survivor who reinvents himself as a maniacal drug lord and a TV reporter going to ridiculous lengths to interview him, but it offers up plenty of gory treats and sweaty naked girls. Aames' over the top performance is particularly laughable. Fun crap that doesn't take itself too seriously."
90 T10 Tombstone (1993) - Aug 13, 2007
"Best. Mustaches. EVER. One of the last truly great westerns."
55 T4 Kunoichi senshi ninja (1991) - Jan 17, 2013
"A trio of lady ninjas in modern day Japan meet a time traveling ninja with a magic scroll that can summon aliens, and need to stop it from falling into evil hands. It's preposterous nonsense, but it has a few surprisingly decent fights. The three ninjas wear identical black ninja suits with short skirts, but each wears different colored panties. The filmmakers helpfully set up the shots to show off their underwear frequently, solely in the interest of keeping track of who is who, I'm sure."
55 T4 Payback (1999) - Dec 15, 2012
"Third rate rehash of Point Blank. It's not terrible, and has some decent action...but it comes nowhere close to the power of the original film. Allow me to say this with some degree of finality: Mel Gibson is no Lee Marvin."
50 T3 The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) - May 14, 2008
"Angarano is totally uninteresting and unconvincing as a hero, the dialog is simply atrocious, and the dramatic performances are universally awful. But it has Jackie Chan fighting Jet Li, and that alone is enough to make this film worth seeing once. Otherwise it's a massive letdown filled with lame, childish fantasy. I would LOVE this if I was 10."
75 T8 Punisher: War Zone (2008) - Jun 16, 2011
"I've always considered The Punisher to be a whining pussy of a character, but this adaptation wisely relegates Castle's back story to a very brief flashback and focuses on the gory comic book murder. Seriously, there's more blood and brains in this movie than a lot of horror flicks. Dominic West's accent is pathetic but I think he was doing it on purpose as his cartoonish villain is completely ludicrous (in a good way). Ray Stevenson's Punisher outfit looked pretty cool too."