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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2966 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 41

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
50 T3 Candy Tangerine Man (1975) - Jun 19, 2012
"A tough LA pimp has to balance the demands of slinging ass on Sunset Blvd with his secret life in the suburbs with a wife and kids. Really cheap and cruddy blaxploitation flick, it's got some great funky tunes and slick jive talk, but all the violence is bloodless. You can't get away without having any gore if you're gonna have a scene where the hero shoves a guy's hand into the garbage disposal."
30 T2 Revolver (2005) - Oct 01, 2013
"A hustler just out of prison looks to get revenge on the guy who put him there, setting a bunch of bullshit in motion. Ritchie chooses to saddle this flick with unbelievably stupid and repetitive dialog about cons, reality, chess, the ego and any other pretentious nonsense that pops into his addled mind. The story is a circular mess featuring some really awful acting, a bit of decent action, and not much else. Not the worst Jason Statham movie I've seen, but only because Uwe Boll exists."
65 T6 Knights (1993) - Nov 05, 2011
"Shitty low budget B-movie about a post apocalyptic future where the humans are enslaved by a race of kung fu fighting vampire cyborgs, and one kick ass girl who fights them all. I saw this once on TV years ago coming down from acid and I refused to believe it was real. Not only is it real, it somehow stars Kris Kristofferson and Lance Henriksen. A total cheesefest, but an entertaining oddity. "
70 T7 Karei-naru tsuiseki (1975) - Oct 03, 2012
"A female race car driver freelances as a secret agent in order to get revenge on the gangsters who framed and murdered her father. It's a campy mix of 70s kitsch and exploitation sleaze, with lady wrestlers, whip-wielding nuns, ridiculous fashions and a rapist in a bear suit. It's great fun watching Etsuko Shihomi go from adorable and spunky to fierce and deadly with the flip of a switch, and then kick the crap out of everyone Chiba-style."
90 T10 Ai no mukidashi (2008) - Jul 19, 2011
"I'm not even sure how I can summarize this 4 hour long Japanese tragic romance/comedy/kung fu movie that won't just totally sell it short, so I won't bother trying. It's inventive, energetic and funny with a dominant theme of love and acceptance, and at the same time incredibly dark and violent. If you're thinking of watching it, be aware that it features more upskirt panty fetish imagery than every high school anime I've ever seen combined. And it's 4 hours long. Totally unique."
T1 Pixels (2015) - Aug 05, 2015
"Well, I've watched an awful lot of bad movies in the last 25 years, but Pixels will go down as the film that finally pushed me over the edge. I will never again spend a single penny of real money on anything even tangentially related to Adam Sandler. What a talentless, shameless sack. I'd write an essay about how embarrassingly bad this movie is, but it doesn't deserve any more of my time than I've already wasted on it."
75 T8 Corrupt (1983) - Apr 02, 2013
"A scrawny freak appears at the home of a corrupt police officer to confess to a recent string of cop murders, setting off a bizarre and intense psychological war between the two. Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols is totally believable as the unpredictable wacko who oscillates between hostile and unctuous (ie himself), and Harvey Keitel's ability to play shady cops on the verge of a breakdown is well documented. This clever but largely forgotten flick also has an excellent Morricone score. "
80 T9 The Devil's Sword (1984) - Sep 19, 2009
"Oh my. At the start of this movie, the main bad guy EXPLODES into existence out of a giant rock. He kicks a boulder in the air, and JUMPS ON IT, and rides the flying boulder down the side of a mountain. THEN it gets awesome. Insanely bloody kung fu fights, mind-bendingly cheap effects (they shoot lasers out of their frickin' hands), and a bunch of g-rated, fully clothed sex scenes. They spend the whole movie trying to get the Devil's Sword, and then they NEVER USE IT ONCE. "
85 T10 Threads (1984) - Jun 20, 2010
"Shockingly bleak without being sensationalistic or melodramatic. Shot in a very flat style and has a monotone narration that makes it feel almost like a documentary, which adds to the feeling of realism. The sequence when England gets nuked is particularly disturbing, with long lingering shots of corpses burning among the rubble. It's amazingly dark, and offers zero hope at the end, I can't believe they showed this on British TV in primetime...it must've scared the shit out of people."
75 T8 Bad Biology (2008) - Apr 16, 2010
"This is a bizarre romance about a girl with 7 clitorises (clitori?) who feeds on orgasms as sustenance...she's convinced that her "special gift" is because God is preparing her body because He wants to fuck her. She meets a guy who has a giant mutant cock with it's own consciousness. Can you smell the love in the air? Hilarious and filthy splatter comedy with nudity, gore, cheesy jokes and softcore sex galore."