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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2977 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 42

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
60 T5 Coonskin (1975) - Jun 19, 2011
"Ralph Bakshi flick about a black rabbit from the South who comes to Harlem and takes over the criminal rackets. Weird mix of live action and animation that lifts its main plot points from Uncle Remus' Br'er Rabbit stories and pads out the running time with comically dated stereotypes of blacks, Italians and homosexuals. "
10 T1 Dirty Dancing (1987) - Aug 13, 2007
"Fuck you Patrick Swayze, Baby BELONGS in a corner."
30 T2 Green Card (1990) - Aug 12, 2011
"Oh, GĂ©rard Depardieu, you lovable Gallic scamp. No, wait...I meant to say fat, obnoxious bastard. Sorry about that."
80 T9 Legend (1985) - Aug 13, 2007
"It's the most enjoyable movie Tom Cruise has ever been in, and Tim Curry is the best Satan in the history of film."
80 T9 Secretary (2002) - Mar 05, 2007
"James Spader is deliciously sleazy and Maggie Gyllenhaal has two masturbation scenes. What else could you possibly need to know? "
65 T6 Breaking the Waves (1996) - Apr 19, 2015
"After being paralyzed, an oil rig worker in Northern Scotland decides to approximate a sex life by sending his semi-retarded wife out to fuck strangers and having her describe the experience to him. There's a message about the power of sacrifice, but it's a ponderously stupid premise, only given any sort of credence by Emily Watson's wonderfully assured performance as the simple minded wife. The ending implies the actual existence of God, which makes him an evil fucker indeed."
90 T10 Duel to the Death (1982) - Aug 13, 2007
"Two words: NINJA MAYHEM. This flick has so much awesome ninja crap, it hurts. There's a giant ninja, exploding ninjas, ninjas who fly on paper kites, Bugs Bunny-style burrowing ninjas, a naked female ninja with a huge net, you name it. It's Japan vs China in a sword swinging, limb hewing, finger ripping extravaganza. A bit talky in the middle, but ninjas more than make up for that."
50 T3 The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) - May 14, 2008
"Angarano is totally uninteresting and unconvincing as a hero, the dialog is simply atrocious, and the dramatic performances are universally awful. But it has Jackie Chan fighting Jet Li, and that alone is enough to make this film worth seeing once. Otherwise it's a massive letdown filled with lame, childish fantasy. I would LOVE this if I was 10."
80 T9 School of the Holy Beast (1974) - Feb 21, 2011
"An 18 year old girl enters a convent in Japan and discovers the (not entirely unexpected) sins of adultery, gluttony, homosexuality etc running rampant, but also that the convent is harboring a dark secret from the past. Lots of memorable images in this flick, including some unique punishments and a horribly scarred priest. The scene with the nun being whipped by bunches of thorny roses was incredible, petals falling in slow motion on her bloodied breasts as crazed nuns flail away at her."
65 T6 Tarkan Viking kani (1971) - Mar 16, 2009
"Vikings in league with the Chinese decide to kidnap Attila the Huns daughter (WTF!). In the process, they kill Tarkan's dog, so he vows to KILL EVERY VIKING HE FINDS in revenge for his dog. Luckily Tarkan saves the girl as well. It's hilariously cheesy seeing Turks in ridiculous yellow wigs and furry vests pretending to be Vikings, but this is still lots of fun. A low budget adventure movie with a bunch of sword battles, boobs and decapitations. Plus a dog fights a rubber octopus."