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TheDenizen

Celluloid Junkie - 2967 Rankings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 41

Gender: Male

Status: Single

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Featured Reviews
40 T2 9½ Weeks (1986) - Nov 24, 2010
"Crappy drama, OK sex scenes. No bush. *tsk tsk*"
75 T8 Doriana Grey (1976) - Aug 19, 2011
"Jess Franco knocks it out of the park with this sexy adult feature with Lina Romay playing a set of twins, one a frigid aristocrat and the other a crazed nymphomaniac. Lina is young and very hot in this. Plenty of sizzling scenes including the brilliant finale where, through the clever use of a body double, Lina meets her twin face to face and basically fucks herself."
80 T9 Heroes Two (1974) - Mar 05, 2011
"Typical Chang Cheh feature with lots of sweaty shirtless dudes pontificating about honor and brotherhood before getting into insanely bloody kung fu scraps. Good times."
70 T7 The Hole (2001) - Jan 24, 2007
"I enjoyed the Rashomon-like way the story was told and retold, with each version of the events being drastically different (and more sinister) than the one before. The end definitely falls kinda flat though. It DOES have a 16 year old Keira Knightley appearing topless if that's your thing."
75 T8 Hakuoki (1959) - Mar 11, 2013
"A more personal approach to the tale of the 47 Loyal Ronin, this tragic drama examines the lives of two samurai who admire and respect each other but end up on opposite sides of the conflict between Lords Asano and Kira. Shintaro Katsu and Raizo Ichikawa are both in top form with their acting and fighting skills, though sadly the audience doesn't get treated to a duel between these two titans of jidaigeki. Still a very classy samurai flick with great action and unconventional camera work."
50 T3 Fantasy Mission Force (1982) - Aug 13, 2007
"This bizarre flick appears to have been filmed without any sort of script, and it plumbs all kinds of depths for a nonstop barrage of strangeness. It truly has to be seen to be believed. You might regret it, but you'll never forget it."
65 T6 Rat Race (2001) - Aug 13, 2007
"Madcap comedy about a cross country race for a pot of cash. Huge and reasonably talented cast, some good laughs, but the ending falls well short of expectations. Smash Mouth? Really?"
50 T3 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) - Aug 13, 2007
"Kevin Costner sporting the worst British accent since Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Wincott and Rickman are great villains but Costner kinda sucks."
60 T5 Battleship (2012) - Apr 02, 2016
"Probably the most expensive goof movie ever made, in which a bunch of idiots save the world by winning a life sized game of Battleship against alien invaders. It's packed with so many cheesy lines, genre cliches and over the top military porn, that it's much more entertaining when viewed as a parody of action flicks rather than an action flick in its own right. Silly enough to satisfy, but it was way too long and no one said the line "You sunk my battleship". Opportunity missed."
45 T3 The Matrix (1999) - Aug 13, 2007
"Why do people like this? Some nice effects, but the acting sucked, the story was dumb (yet pretentious) and 100% predictable, and the action was all stuff that Yuen Woo-Ping had already been doing better for years in Hong Kong. I maintain that people only liked this movie because for the vast majority of them, it was the first time they ever saw slickly produced Hong Kong style action."