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Cinema Addict - 1534 Film Ratings

Member Since: Mar 20, 2007

Location: Racine, WI, USA

Bio: I write reviews that say more about me than the films I watch. That's okay, I think.
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90 92% South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999) - Mar 20, 2007
"I have almost no enthusiasm for the show, but I want to take this movie to the prom and awkwardly try to grope it. Then when it asks what I'm doing, I'll get nervous and make up a lame excuse. A very short time later, I'll drop it off at home without so much as a goodbye. I'll finish my special night weeping alone in my geo metro while drinking strawberry MD 20/20 and listening to Morrissey's Vauxhall and I (on cassette, of course)."
90 92% Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) - May 25, 2012
"Swearing is for closers. Mamet's overrated, you know damn well he is, stop pretending. I do love me some filthy language though, and every theater dork's favorite Republican certainly does deliver on that front. We've got swears, we've got cusses, we've got curses, slurs, oaths, dozens, shut-ups and-- Grandma Lily's favorite --put-downs. All in one convenient DVD, for one low low price of [I don't know. I borrowed it from the local public library, so it was free] what a bargain!"
90 92% Battleship Potemkin (1925) - Mar 01, 2011
"Stairs scene. Everything everybody starting with Cahiers has said. Yup. It's in the public domain, so getting thrown out of the Republican Convention for watching a non-porn movie is only one Google search away."
90 92% Big Fan (2009) - Aug 31, 2010
"Patton Oswalt, a man famous for being witty, smart and confident, knocks it out of the park playing a man who isn't any of those things. Story reminded me of a leaner, darker King of Comedy, which I also loved, but this one is actually better somehow. I'm also a sucker for dirty, angry New York movies, they seem more relatable to me."
70 61% It's Alive (1974) - Mar 28, 2011
"Banned in most civilized, decent countries. Rated PG in America, because the MPAA was (is) staffed entirely by violent sociopaths with 400 dollar a day PCP habits who are inexplicably offended by conversational swearing and exposed breasts. Pretty fucked up movie. If you like fucked up movies, here you go."
55 41% Tôkyô zankoku keisatsu (2008) - Mar 01, 2011
"Kind of like that Hardboiled comic Frank "Robocop 2" Miller did back in the dizay, only not as overrated. High on gore, a whole lot of gore, a desensitizing amount of gore, it's even in the freaking title. Special effects and plot are about on par with an episode of the Power Rangers (not sure if I intend that as an insult), and the bad acting transcends language. Worth it for people that want a spiffier live action Riki-Oh (drug addicts, nerds, drug addicted nerds)"
10 7% Dante's Peak (1997) - Mar 20, 2007
"I remember seeing this at a matinee as a teenager, and the whole audience just completely turned on the movie. It was one of the few spontaneous tribal experiences of my life. Just twenty people, an unlikely demo ranging from cute teenage girls to nerdy teenage girls to high school basketball players to me and my posse of wannabe punkers and druggies to elderly couples just out for an afternoon picture- all united in the cause of riffing this shit to pieces. Matinees rule."
60 48% Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) - Mar 20, 2007
"The presumably higher budget allows it to delve further into Max's world than the previous film, but it's not as exciting, and the bonus bucks just meant they didn't have to be inventive anymore. It was good for a regular movie, but it lacks eau de max. Imagine if Jarmusch's Down by Law had enough money to build a track for their dolly instead of using an old hatchback, a piece of plywood and the patient but eager legs and backs of production assistants. Would it be Down by Law anymore?"
95 96% Akira (1988) - Mar 20, 2007
"The space where ultra-violence and transhumanism meet. If you're not up your own ass enough to be intrigued by that concept, no amount of beautiful cel animation will keep you interested. I, however, happen to like the smell of my own farts."
4% Top Gun (1986) - Mar 20, 2007
"Moses is prophecy, Dali is drugs, Top Gun is gay."