Cinema Addict - 1570 Film Ratings
Member Since: Mar 20, 2007
Location: Racine, WI, USA
Bio: I write reviews that say more about me than the films I watch. That's okay, I think.
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|20 13%||Brainscan (1994) - Aug 31, 2022
"Five. Five dollar Furlong. We thought Fangoria was cool; when it was time for Fangoria to show us how cool they thought they were, they got pantsed and shoved into a locker like a typical Starlog reader. I've had that joke in my head since 8th grade....Brainscan was what happens when a magazine about movies makes a movie. That was also Mindwarp, not this film, but screw it."
|69 57%||Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) - Aug 31, 2022
"Up there with Friday the 12th and Leonard part Five."
|85 86%||Nope (2022) - Aug 31, 2022
|55 40%||Orphan: First Kill (2022) - Aug 31, 2022
"It's not much of a technical achievement to make a short, youthful looking actress appear slightly shorter and more youthful on film. That being said, Fuhrman was great, as was Stiles. I caught the twist the second they rolled up on the house, but I pushed it out of my head because I didn't think they would bother referencing a certain high profile crime case. When they did, I giggled and was on board. Great kills, but average otherwise."
|45 29%||Halloween Kills (2021) - Jan 13, 2022
"Loved it! 4.5/10. We haven't had a stupid Halloween in awhile. Stupid in a convoluted, pretentious way, but not stupid in a way that doesn't make me want to fire Rob Zombie into Pluto. Oh HK kinda blows, don't get me wrong, but it's impossible for me to hate. Everything it wants to do, it does."
|55 40%||One Missed Call (2003) - Jan 13, 2022
"I'll never stop admiring the transparent, and successful, attempt to scam the US film industry into making a remake of a film so paint-by-numbers, it has to be self-parody... It took Hollywood way too much time to realize how easy this formula is to rip off if you don't care about the art or folklore."
|70 61%||Bad Ben (2016) - Jul 12, 2021
"Could I do better with 300 bucks? Probably not. It's good because the creepier it gets, the funnier our schlubby protagonist gets. It would be extremely basic, 11th grade a/v club-level without this dude. Not a lot of the humor's intentional, but it's more from a lack of training than a lack of self-awareness."
|60 48%||In Search Of Darkness: Part II (2020) - Jun 25, 2021
"Same as the first, but with more deep cuts most of which are conveniently airing on Shudder...hmmm. Wait, this is a fucking infomercial for Shudder isn't it?"
|70 61%||Scare Me (2020) - Jun 25, 2021
"A horror anthology that never fully leaves its framing story. It's creative and well-done and all, but....framing stories fucking suck."
|85 86%||The Kid Detective (2020) - May 17, 2021
"Encyclopedia Brown as written by Raymond Chandler on a foul-mouthed day. Mystery Team but not funny isn't the right way to describe this because Kid Detective's version of their shared premise is much funnier than Mystery Team's. Not to bag on Mystery Team, a film I would die for, but this has a more true-to-genre take on hardboiled mysteries. Anyway, I love this movie and think it would have been the next cult classic if we weren't so exhausted by streaming content options in the covid years."