TheDenizen
Celluloid Junkie
Member Since: 13 Apr 2006
Location: Toronto, Canada
Age: 49
Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.
Featured Reviews
Check out TheDenizen's...
Bad Milo (2013) - Rated 28 Feb 2014
"After watching this bizarre horror comedy, I had a really clever and snappy mini-review already written in my head. It was eloquent if slightly verbose, weaving intellectual discussion of the film's dominant themes into a nonstop barrage of pun-based wordplay. I logged into Criticker to vomit forth my wit, only to see that BillyShears has already perfectly encapsulated the spirit of Bad Milo in seven words. PERFECTLY. Well played, sir."
Willy's Wonderland (2021) - Rated 19 May 2022
"It's Nic Cage playing a mute drifter kicking the piss out of a gang of Satanic Chuck E. Cheese wannabes. What's not to adore? Does not take itself seriously for one second and revels in cheap gore and 80's nostalgia. Yes, please. Incidentally, my PSI for this movie was only 45....the worst prediction it's given me in literal years. The algorithm is usually fantastic so I can only conclude that it's the fault of everyone else who rated this gem poorly. For shame, Criticker users, for shame."
Macbeth (2015) - Rated 14 Mar 2016
"A harrowing, bleak and bloody telling of one of the Bard's best tales. The meticulous attention paid to the visual composition of every shot is immediately and stunningly apparent. Fassbender and Cotillard are superb in the lead roles, as is Paddy Considine as Banquo, but special mention must be made of Sean Harris' volcanic MacDuff. He was absolutely terrifying. My only complaint is the excision of one of my favorite lines from the banquet scene: "Never shake thy gory locks at me!""
Witness (1985) - Rated 13 Aug 2007
"Who knew Amish chicks were such sluts?"
Hereditary (2018) - Rated 17 Feb 2022
"A bunch of really horrible stuff happens to a family and then it turns out it's witches or something stupid. Technically really well made, with some eye catching cinematography and an excellent performance from Toni Colette....but man, the script is dumb and predictable. The second Joan started her "seance" I knew exactly what was going to happen for the rest of it. And it's not really scary at all: Oh look, it's a weird creepy girl just standing in the shadows....again. Fuck off, movie."
Heathers (1989) - Rated 13 Aug 2007
"Best comedy about teen suicide ever. "I love my dead gay son" and "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" are both immortal quotes."
The Great Battle (2018) - Rated 25 May 2019
"Epic war film about the defense of a besieged fortress in 7th century Goguryeo (proto-Korea) against an overwhelming force of Tang invaders from China. The cast is uniformly excellent, the writing is good and the scenes of battle carnage are plentiful and visceral. The only thing holding this back from true greatness is the typical South Korean over-reliance on massive doses of melodrama to sell the emotional impact. Spare me all the crying and music swells, and show me more severed limbs."
Southern Discomfort: Wrestling on the Indie Circuit (2002) - Rated 19 Aug 2011
"Wow. Kayfabe is alive and well in Alabama. Sadly, modern dentistry is nowhere to be seen. Nor is air conditioning: this could've been called "Fat People Sweating". The best part is the woman wrestler Bambi talking about how wrestling is "the most glamorous life she could imagine" while it shows her warming up in a dingy dressing room with a half naked Bullet Bob Armstrong pulling off his socks in the background. Also features a scary number of power mullets for a 2002 film."
Any Given Sunday (1999) - Rated 06 May 2008
"American Football sucks, movies about American Football are lame, and this is no exception."
Legend (1985) - Rated 13 Aug 2007
"It's the most enjoyable movie Tom Cruise has ever been in, and Tim Curry is the best Satan in the history of film. No debate."