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Celluloid Junkie - 3093 Film Ratings

Member Since: Apr 13, 2006

Location: Toronto, Canada

Age: 47

Bio: I watch Kung Fu, Samurai, Exploitation, Action, Western, and Horror flicks. I can enjoy the classics, but I especially love low budget garbage.

more Recent Ratings

60 40% Cocaine Bear (2023) - Mar 03, 2023
"A bear on cocaine goes on a murderous rampage. When the bear is killing people, it's a pretty fun time with lots of novelty gore. However, when the bear isn't killing people the movie grinds to a halt. A pretty solid cast is mostly squandered on a formula script that offers zero surprises or interesting characters. It also kinda wastes its mid-80s setting by failing to reference or mention it after the first 5 minutes. A decent attempt at neo-Grindhouse that falls short of greatness."
75 74% The History of Future Folk (2012) - Sep 30, 2022
"A duo of aliens in Brooklyn with a doomsday device abandon their mission when they discover music and form a bluegrass band. Quirky indie stuff here that makes up for its lack of budget and experienced leads by being just as charming as heck. Even the scene with the guy stun-gunning the lady cop so he could serenade her paralyzed body seemed hilariously innocent and sweet. The music is also surprisingly good...apparently Future Folk is a real band, who knew alien bluegrass was even a thing?"
70 63% Old Henry (2021) - Sep 24, 2022
"Take the first five minutes of No Country for Old Men, add a dollop of Unforgiven, stick it into Oklahoma in 1906 and you get Old Henry. A nice little low budget Western that I wanted to like more. It has a great setup, solid acting and a gritty tone that lends a strong feeling of realism...but the second half reveal feels forced and unnecessary, the film makers adding an element of cheese that undoes their earlier good work. Still worth a watch, Tim Blake Nelson is excellent."
30 11% The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022) - Sep 02, 2022
"This glittering, goofy abomination is Tolkien in name only: a confused billion dollar fan-fiction that is quite transparently designed to evoke Peter Jackson's (superior) LOTR trilogy at every turn. Even if you ignore the cheap looking costumes, unlikable characters, awful casting, cringe-inducing dialogue, and complete disregard for Tolkien's lore, Amazon's Rings of Power is just a subpar generic fantasy story. Great score and visual effects, but everything else is so deeply disappointing."
50 26% Freaks of Nature (2015) - Aug 21, 2022
"In a town where humans, vampires and zombies co-exist in some kind of uneasy truce, all hell breaks loose when aliens invade. It's dumb but at least it doesn't try to take itself seriously at all, and actually has a couple of funny bits. Annoyingly doesn't make any attempt to explain its ridiculous set up, but at least the vampire girl is reasonably cute, and the nonsense all moves along at a decent clip."
20 6% Day Shift (2022) - Aug 21, 2022
"A dude who hunts vampires for a secret mysterious Union of vampire hunters has to hunt vampires to earn money and save his family. This is total dogshit. Sure it's got plenty of scrub vampires getting shotgunned in the face by a smug Jamie Foxx, but it's utterly insipid, obnoxious, and painful to watch. Everyone involved clearly put the bare minimum amount of effort into this straight to Netflix abomination...and it's almost 2 hours long. Avoid."
85 91% The Northman (2022) - Aug 04, 2022
"An exiled Viking prince becomes willingly enslaved in order to gain access to the household of his enemy in this epic revenge yarn. Essentially a retelling of Conan through the lens of copious amounts of psilocybe mushrooms, this gets pretty trippy in places. It also has a dude getting bitchslapped with a handful of menstrual blood. Gritty and violent as fuck, with a couple of nasty surprises along the way, this about as much fun as you can have splattered from head to toe in mud and gore."
40 17% The Stand (2020) - Jul 29, 2022
"Inexplicably starts in the middle and then tells the first half of the story in flashbacks....for no real reason. The only thing this achieves is completely robbing all of the flashback scenes of any sense of danger or urgency. Kudos to the casting director who made some fine choices here, but the writers cut themselves off at the knees in the first episode and never recovered. At least the 1994 version told the story in the only order that makes sense."
80 84% Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) - Jul 24, 2022
"A middle aged woman gets sucked into an alternate-universe hopping maelstrom of insanity during an IRS audit of her laundry business. It's the role of a lifetime for Michelle Yeoh, who convincingly plays many different multiverse versions of herself, from elegant movie star to frazzled mom to kung fu badass. Gets overly melodramatic in the final 20 minutes, but it's deserving of serious respect for how stunningly original and daring it is. An absolute blast."
80 84% Willy's Wonderland (2021) - May 19, 2022
"It's Nic Cage playing a mute drifter kicking the piss out of a gang of Satanic Chuck E. Cheese wannabes. What's not to adore? Does not take itself seriously for one second and revels in cheap gore and 80's nostalgia. Yes, please. Incidentally, my PSI for this movie was only 45....the worst prediction it's given me in literal years. The algorithm is usually fantastic so I can only conclude that it's the fault of everyone else who rated this gem poorly. For shame, Criticker users, for shame."