Velvet Crowe
Celluloid Junkie
Member Since: 03 Jun 2010
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 33
Bio: Former journalist, invested in humanities, fitness, and consuming garbage.
Subtlety is overrated.
https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/176986912-drew
https://twitter.com/DrewStr56396515
Subtlety is overrated.
https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/176986912-drew
https://twitter.com/DrewStr56396515
Recent Ratings
Check out Velvet Crowe's...
Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974) - Rated 23 Jun 2025
"Mostly lands when it's Bridges and Eastwood playing off of each other but the side characters were boring and after certain I went numb on the plot. Might like this better on a rewatch maybe but I just felt pretty "meh" throughout."
Scream 2 (1997) - Rated 23 Jun 2025
"Scream 2 is consistent with its conceit but it does less with it. It's heavy handed on the concept of sequels but doesn't feel like it's as tight when connecting that concept to the broader idea about film influencing real world violence and the legacy sequels play off of. Thought the final climax and the reveal of the killer was a lot weaker too. But I will say there are some solid scenes, loved the way the campus and sound booth scenes played out and the concept of Ghostface is just good."
God Forgives... I Don't! (1967) - Rated 19 Jun 2025
"Personally the only thing I gravitate towards in this movie is the dialog and quips. So many great one-liners and seeing the banter between Hill and Spencer is always a joy. Kinda just thought it was visually and narratively boring otherwise, though."
The Giver (2014) - Rated 19 Jun 2025
"I thought the book sucked and the movie isn't much better. It's hilarious that the movie wants to assert the goodness of mankind through stock and amateurishly edited imagery then being hilariously clueless about how moral values are formed. No one is going to 180 their moral values and reject their society because they get exposed to other cultures. It's a story that's so non-specific and hyperbolic that it has no value and ends up laughable when it starts leaning into its lofty symbolism."
I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - Rated 18 Jun 2025
"Most view this strictly on how raw and gruesome its rape and violence are but I think it has more merit to it than that. Love how understated and raw it is. The lack of glamor in the rape makes it exceptionally appalling, how drawn out it is I think also elevates the sense of horror built into it. Really like how much perspective was built on the perpetrators too, while perhaps overly stereotypical, they have mundane lives and won't accept guilt for their actions. Generally like its subtext."
Time Runner (1993) - Rated 17 Jun 2025
"This is funny purely because of how low budget and schlocky it is given the prestige of Mark Hamill's name. But it's also EXACTLY the sort of low budget schlock that suits him perfectly! Him doing the whole paranoid bit is pretty funny to watch. Unfortunately, the movie is just boring despite some really goofy editing choices. It tries with some decent ideas for narrative framing but so much of it comes off like boring padding it's hard to take it seriously or engage with it."
The Marvels (2023) - Rated 17 Jun 2025
"Iman Velani deserves better material. To give it some credit, I do think it at least lands on a decent dynamic but it never feels like it wants to explore any plot beat it introduces. What about the Kree and Skrull diplomacy? What about Carol's self-guilt? What the fuck at the completely random dimensional shift? It just brings all this shit up for the sake of bringing it up and it all feels so low effort. Visually it's so bland too, boasting boring fight scenes even by MCU standards."
Scream (1996) - Rated 13 Jun 2025
"Its blatant attempts to frame itself as some meta commentary is annoying but I think it provides one of the most unique horror villains ever. The villain in question is just some average guy and the way he comedically bumbles about gives him a sense of vulnerability not seen with most horror villains but it manages to keep him horrifying because he can come out of nowhere and be anyone. The twist on who the killer is and the climax surrounding it was so damn good, love how unhinged it is."
Mortal Engines (2018) - Rated 13 Jun 2025
"The only thing that I thought was cool was the Shrike stuff and it made me wish the entire narrative was built around that dynamic, although that ended on the lamest possible note. Otherwise everything is the most boring young adult slop you could imagine with exactly the type of characterization and lame social commentary that you would expect. It's funny because for as sloppy as this is the book is hardly different and it's pretty faithful to it, it's just more condensed slop."
Little Monsters (1989) - Rated 13 Jun 2025
"Oddly gives me similar vibes to Beetlejuice but has none of the charm, visual style, or pacing. There's a funny idea with the main monster just doing juvenile pranks and that's the extent of his evil but man they could have gotten so much creative with this. Just most basic pranks you could think of out of a 80's playbook. Do like how cobbled together its setpieces look, though. Looks hilariously low budget but I think that makes the setting more charming. Too bad its climax was pretty boring."
