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0 film ratings

Celluloid Junkie - 2633 Film Ratings

Member Since: Nov 15, 2011

Location: Sweden

Bio: Very rough scale:
1-10 Unbelievably bad; possibly wonderful.
11-20: Avoid at all cost.
21-40: Just... nah, don't bother.
41-50: Flawed but watchable.
51-60: Decent. Not ashamed to have seen.
61-70: Good stuff.
71-80: Hello, this is fun.
81-90: I loved this.
91-100: Objectively perfect.
more Featured Reviews
0% The Time Machine (I Found at a Yardsale) (2011) - Jul 15, 2016
"Greenscreen for everything! Inaudible dialogue! Not one single establishing shot! No script! No action! The absolute opposite of acting! The worst CGI effects since the early 80s! A TWO-MINUTE SCENE where our hero drinks orange juice! This movie will make you long for the movie-making magic of "Birdemic"."
30 8% The Lawnmower Man (1992) - Jan 15, 2017
"Everyone got this movie wrong. It's not about how virtual reality turns a "simple man" into a genius; it's about how the second you give a stupid white kid internet access, he turns into a psychopath who thinks he's smarter than everyone else. In part 3, he joins 4chan."
94 99% Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972) - Nov 16, 2011
"If you only ever watch a single movie in which a monkey craps on Klaus Kinski, make it this one."
85 92% The Irishman (2019) - Dec 08, 2019
"You go in thinking meh, it's a mob movie, Scorsese's done them before and he'll do them again. You come out thinking anyone who ever does a mob movie after this is a complete fraud. Where his other movies may have played it for glory and tragedy, this is just... so bleak. Scorsese looks back at an entire American century, paints it with all the colours you expect from a Scorsese mob movie, and then goes "OK, boomer." "
97 99% House (1977) - Jan 28, 2012
"This is, quite simply, the best film I've seen in my entire life. An utterly deranged ghost story about seven young schoolgirls who go to visit a haunted house owned by an aunt of one of the girls, and... let's just say wackiness ensues. Boy oh boy oh boy, does it ensue. Watch this. Thank me later."
51 27% Prometheus (2012) - Jun 06, 2012
"Scott's best movie in years, which sadly isn't saying much. As a horror/thriller it works, despite some odd pacing and editing, and Rapace and Fassbender are great. But Scott also wants to make a new 2001 and doesn't know how; the bits that aren't borrowed from Alien turn into a confused, inconsistent mess of von Däniken's ancient astronauts and "science can't explain!" twaddle that makes me imagine a South Park-style "THIS IS WHAT RIDLEY SCOTT ACTUALLY BELIEVES" subtitle for half the movie."
38 13% Terminator Genisys (2015) - Oct 20, 2015
"Terminator: Phil Collins was made by three separate crews working in triple shifts, with little to no communication between them. One shot a straight remake of The Terminator, one shot an increasingly out-of-ideas Terminator 5, and one just tried to do the most confusing Doctor Who episode in years. "
40 15% Decay (2012) - Dec 15, 2012
"Made by CERN PHD students for $2000, this is amateur hour - not as bad as "Birdemic", but still. But it's lots of vicarious fun. These guys get to chase zombies in the tunnels of the most expensive scientific installation on earth, spouting deliberately ridiculous technobabble about how the LHC will destroy the world. You don't, but you get to watch and go "Golly, that looks fun." And 50 years from now, when they win Nobel Prize, you can proudly say "Eh, I prefer their earlier work.""
88 95% Force Majeure (2014) - Jan 06, 2015
"Scenes From A Marriage 2: Snowroller."
71 62% Tag (2015) - Apr 15, 2016
"I'm not saying ALL movies should start with a bus full of Japanese schoolgirls pillowfighting and then getting gorily bisected, only to turn into a surreal existentialist drama that slices... sorry, picks apart the very tropes that makes that sound intriguing. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying, the world would be better if they did."