bof

Bio: With all the hard work that criticker's bored designers have put into making this site unreadable, you can find any future updates from me on https://letterboxd.com/bof/. Thanks for 13 years of checking this site on an almost daily basis.

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84 _91%

Godzilla (1954) - Rated 23 May 2015

Yes, the special effects haven't aged well. Like you're gonna? The original is still brilliantly straight-faced, painting firestorms, nuclear destruction and the death of hope itself like... well, just consider the fact that everyone who made this movie had just lost a war less than ten years earlier, and not in a pretty way. This movie will traumatize you if you let it. But by all means, keep laughing at the guy working his ass off in a 100-kg rubber suit.

80 _83%

Deadpool (2016) - Rated 16 Feb 2016

Fuckin' A. Fuck 2.5-hour origin stories. Fuck "who watches the watchmen". Fuck grade-school Nietzscheisms. Fuck angsting about using your powers. Fuck continuity. Fuck exposition. Fuck loners learning to be a team. Fuck spin-offs. Fuck politics. Fuck contrived misunderstandings. Fuck digital filters that make everything look grey. Fuck dark worlds. Fuck alternate universes. Fuck reboots. Fuck the X-Men. Fuck the MCU. Fuck DC. And fuck Deadpool while you're at it, but you'll have to get in line.

38 _12%

Terminator Genisys (2015) - Rated 20 Oct 2015

Terminator: Phil Collins was made by three separate crews working in triple shifts, with little to no communication between them. One shot a straight remake of The Terminator, one shot an increasingly out-of-ideas Terminator 5, and one just tried to do the most confusing Doctor Who episode in years.

85 _92%

The Irishman (2019) - Rated 08 Dec 2019

You go in thinking meh, it's a mob movie, Scorsese's done them before and he'll do them again. You come out thinking anyone who ever does a mob movie after this is a complete fraud. Where his other movies may have played it for glory and tragedy, this is just... so bleak. Scorsese looks back at an entire American century, paints it with all the colours you expect from a Scorsese mob movie, and then goes "OK, boomer."

94 _99%

Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972) - Rated 16 Nov 2011

If you only ever watch a single movie in which a monkey craps on Klaus Kinski, make it this one.

0 _0%

The Time Machine (I Found at a Yardsale) (2011) - Rated 15 Jul 2016

Greenscreen for everything! Inaudible dialogue! Not one single establishing shot! No script! No action! The absolute opposite of acting! The worst CGI effects since the early 80s! A TWO-MINUTE SCENE where our hero drinks orange juice! This movie will make you long for the movie-making magic of "Birdemic".

88 _95%

Force Majeure (2014) - Rated 06 Jan 2015

Scenes From A Marriage 2: Snowroller.

30 _8%

The Lawnmower Man (1992) - Rated 15 Jan 2017

Everyone got this movie wrong. It's not about how virtual reality turns a "simple man" into a genius; it's about how the second you give a stupid white kid internet access, he turns into a psychopath who thinks he's smarter than everyone else. In part 3, he joins 4chan.

40 _14%

Decay (2012) - Rated 15 Dec 2012

Made by CERN PHD students for $2000, this is amateur hour - not as bad as "Birdemic", but still. But it's lots of vicarious fun. These guys get to chase zombies in the tunnels of the most expensive scientific installation on earth, spouting deliberately ridiculous technobabble about how the LHC will destroy the world. You don't, but you get to watch and go "Golly, that looks fun." And 50 years from now, when they win Nobel Prize, you can proudly say "Eh, I prefer their earlier work."

97 _99%

House (1977) - Rated 28 Jan 2012

This is, quite simply, the best film I've seen in my entire life. An utterly deranged ghost story about seven young schoolgirls who go to visit a haunted house owned by an aunt of one of the girls, and... let's just say wackiness ensues. Boy oh boy oh boy, does it ensue. Watch this. Thank me later.