Velvet Crowe

velvet_crowe
Celluloid Junkie - 2598 Film Ratings
Member Since: 03 Jun 2010
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 31
TCI: not enough ratings
Films in Common: 0
Not in Your Top 1000 TCIs
Bio: Former journalist, invested in humanities, fitness, and consuming garbage.

Subtlety is overrated.

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/5590954-dre
https://twitter.com/DrewStr56396515

more Recent Ratings

60 62% Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008) - Rated 11 Mar 2024
"This movie goes a lot harder on portraying the government as oppressive and corrupt but unlike the first film it loses a lot by not exploring the consequences of its propagandistic nationalism as it's more concerned about conveying the government as corrupt without much underlying point to it beyond that. The religious subplot has solid hooks but the conclusion it reaches is super awkward and lame. It's got some solid visuals and action in spite of its bad VFX but I'd just call this mid."
12 6% Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004) - Rated 09 Mar 2024
"As a sequel this seems pointless. It doesn't trudge on any of the last film's subtext or even its plot beats; instead, it's more of this psuedo-horror with incredibly boring drama and a failure to create any tension whatsoever. I'm not against having unique directions within the same universe, but what this movie achieve by doing that exactly? It has some okay special effects, but the general visuals are extremely limited and boring and virtually nothing is happening most of the movie."
55 56% Last Men in Aleppo (2017) - Rated 25 Feb 2024
"A lot of it hooks in with good thematic ideas but as a "documentary" it isn't really saying much beyond the obvious "wow, war is horrific and terrifying!" and as a narrative it's extremely incoherent and boring. Aleppo was truly tragic but if you're going to be telling this story there's a lot more you can say about it? Even from the perspective of just looking at the survivors there could be more cohesion and flair given to that narrative."
37 32% Fast X (2023) - Rated 22 Feb 2024
"Dunno if there's that much lore from past movies I should care about, but going into this blind I thought EVERYONE was the most boring shit and Momoa specifically is god awful when written like a wisecracking asshole. It has some cool setpieces and ideas but all the quick cuts and the very boring personality makes it hard for me to care."
23 16% Crossroads (2002) - Rated 16 Feb 2024
"This is fascinating when you think about this from the meta perspective of what Britney Spears is today. There's a lot of red flags you can find in this movie about Britney's life experience and how she was a controlled idol, the song at the end about her own autonomy comes off as incredulous and the bizarre leering the filming has over Britney's body raises some eyebrows. Though as a movie itself? Utter garbage filled with awful acting and some of the most laughably contrived drama imaginable."
65 69% Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009) - Rated 30 Jan 2024
"What elevates this is just how damn good the pacing is. It never gets bogged down trying to justify any of its plot beats and it's near constant action and fun banter from beginning to end. Conroy and Daly's chemistry works which is further elevated by strong performances from previous DCAU talent. However, anyone who wasn't in the DCAU is noticeably worse and for as solid as the pacing is I don't think any particular action scene is all that impressive despite otherwise being polished."
57 60% My Adventures with Superman (2023) - Rated 30 Jan 2024
"Not a strong start but I think this series still has legs. The villains are extremely weak and I hate a lot of the decisions with them contrasted with their comic counterparts but I do think it's an interesting angle to play up Clark as being inexperienced with himself in a way most Superman media don't and it has enough unique ideas otherwise to not be totally boring. It's nice to have a clean Superman story for once given all the edgelord garbage with the concept we've gotten lately."
45 44% No Hard Feelings (2023) - Rated 18 Jan 2024
"I'll give the movie props for avoiding a lot of eyerolling lowbrow R rated movie "jokes" while being earnest about its two leads, but at the same time I also don't think this is really doing anything that any other romcom doesn't? There is weight to certain plot beats and the romance therein but when the payoff to that is stale, unimaginative tropes common in this genre and petty jabs at millennials it's hard for me to think of this as being only slightly better than its peers at best."
34 28% Athlean-X (2009) - Rated 15 Jan 2024
"I'll give him some credit and say there's some surface level advice he gives that's solid, but he's made a lot of really dumb takes which is often justified with "bro, trust me!" Like one time he claimed that planking is not valuable exercise (despite mountains of evidence claiming otherwise) or flat out making tutorials that could seriously harm someone like suggesting you breath in during squats. Not to mention the guy is a notorious liar and advocates for expensive and worthless supplements."
30 23% Strays (2023) - Rated 11 Jan 2024
"Bog standard adult comedy which uses pretty much every joke you'd expect given this context and what is common in this genre coupled with a plot that plays out like any other dog movie you watch in spite of the profanity. Only time I laughed was at the "narrator dog" and that just got me thinking about how much funnier this movie would be if instead for lame, low-hanging fruit they actually tried to get inventive with how dogs interpreted the depravity of humans? Suppose I'm asking for too much."