Velvet Crowe

Celluloid Junkie - 2626 Film Ratings
Member Since: 03 Jun 2010
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
TCI: not enough ratings
Films in Common: 0
Not in Your Top 1000 TCIs
Bio: Former journalist, invested in humanities, fitness, and consuming garbage. Subtlety is overrated.

more Recent Ratings

44 42% The Birth of a Nation (1915) - Rated 23 Apr 2024
"The first part of the movie is funny because while there is negligence shown towards the causes of the Civil War I do think there is thematic strength towards presenting it as a national tragedy and presenting both sides as sympathetic within that light. But then the second half becomes this INSANE racist slippery slope which; ironically, isn't that different from what a number of modern racists espouse today. It's technically impressive but I'm more in awe of its racism than filmmaking."
64 68% Intolerance (1916) - Rated 22 Apr 2024
"This movie is funny coming from the guy who gave us "Birth of a Nation". Unsurprisingly, how this tackles its theme is limited to attacking religious puritanism conveying them as hypocrites in varying forms but I don't think this is something to be condemned. As a film, its imbalanced by how its stories mix together to convey its theme and it's tiring to see so many footnotes in a film's writing that imitates a bland novel, but I dig its scope and spectacle that I found it engaging at least."
55 56% Dazed and Confused (1993) - Rated 21 Apr 2024
"Most of this movie is just "WEED LMAO!" and I can't say I was super into its characterization of everyone being a high school stereotype without much sauce to its theming or character chemistry. When people say this was "realistic" I assume they're talking entirely about the vibe than actual events, because I don't believe for a second that hazing and pranks were ever this frequent or on this level. If this movie is "realistic," then so too are countless other teen dramas that do the same thing."
58 61% The Last Stand (2013) - Rated 21 Apr 2024
"This is the most boring Arnold has ever been in a movie and the film generally lacks much personality overall. The first half is also a boring ass slog. I'd be okay with them using all of these boring 00's movie action cliches if you at least let Arnie do quips and convey any sort of charisma, but I guess he's gotten too old for that. The only saving grace of this movie is the damn solid climatic fight on the second half; which while not revolutionary, was entertaining enough to boost my rating."
70 74% The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) - Rated 16 Apr 2024
"The movie is most interesting when it's making goofy scenarios out of the Bushman not understanding anything about the modern world and consistently misconstruing everything which not only can be funny but also interesting as an exploration of human nature. A lot of people feel this is undercut by the slapstick seen outside of that and narratively I somewhat agree, but the slapstick is charming and entertaining anyway so I can say that at least brought me some amusement."
36 31% Five Nights at Freddy's (2023) - Rated 14 Apr 2024
"But hey, it's just a theory...."
58 61% Lion (2016) - Rated 14 Apr 2024
"Thematically this movie is about sense of belonging and rediscovering what was lost. It's common to say that the first half is more interesting because of how it plays with childish naivety existing within depravity, but everything in the second half is still thematically consistent and serves the purpose of landing on its ending with some degree of emotional highs. But I feel that the emotional highs of that ending rely more on the first half than the second, which often feels very tacky."
57 60% Pretty Woman (1990) - Rated 11 Apr 2024
"This movie garners interesting reactions. People do not believe that a whore and a billionaire could genuinely fall for each other; which yes, seems non-sensical in this context but "poor to rich" stories like this have been a literary trope for centuries and I don't believe this deserves scrutiny for that more than those in the past. In its own right? It's shallow but the chemistry between the two leads is charismatic and fun, even if this is hinging on a puerile fantasy."
90 97% My Last Valentine in Beirut (2012) - Rated 11 Apr 2024
"I love this movie visually wherein it never moves outside out of one frame and yet allows us multiple visuals through objects on the sets. The narrative conceit is brilliant, conveying a surrealist view of social dichotomy between the face we put towards public and what we truly are, without making it clear which is truly real and in some vague way creating this perception that both characters presented are simultaneously real and not. Sartre would be proud!"
33 26% Starship Troopers: Invasion (2012) - Rated 10 Apr 2024
"The whole thing looks like a PS2 FMV and a very bland one at that. It's a very nothing movie that has stiff animation and a lot of shitty dialog performed by hilariously amateurish voice actors. It's also not even trying to build on or utilize anything this franchise is known for beyond the very surface level. The movie has John Rico, but for some reason they give him an eyepatch and a completely different voice building off of nothing from previous films. Pretty boring overall."