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CaptTesticle

capttesticle
Film Freak
# Film Ratings: 514
Member Since: 08 Aug 2009
Location: Camp Nutsack, Cold, Antarctica
Age: 116
Bio: Stop sucking my balls, I'm trying to watch the movie!

Recent Ratings

70 55%
Star Trek (2009) - Rated 07 Mar 2014
Kirk is a total whore, that's why we love him. Yet Kirk is about exploration, not conquest. He's out there getting burns nailing an orifice you've never even heard of because he's adventurous. There are no wrong holes and gender is a post coital quibble. He's a hero and Bones is there to make sure he can keep firing. And Checkov is Russian. Scottie is a Scottie. Sulu is from planet Asia. And Spock is nailing Uhura because its logical, obviously.
35 8%
Shallow Hal (2001) - Rated 07 Mar 2014
Excellent melodrama, real tear jerker, had a great message or something. I can't quite remember what it was, but I know I really wanted to fuck fat chicks after this, must have had something to do with that.
60 30%
The Score (2001) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
Paws at you for attention with its ineffectual feebleness. You'll need some claws to go with that felt next time Mr Oz.
60 30%
Cocoon (1985) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
Overburden The Tax Base - The movie. No matter how charming these wrinkly chaps are they're still rorting Medicaid. Cocoons: not FDA approved.
70 55%
Babe (1995) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
My creaking baboon heart beats sporadically for this movie (surprised me too). Someone performing experimental abominations on those fucktarded singing mice would similarly ease my mind.
55 22%
The Negotiator (1998) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
Should have shown Jackson in his shouty negotiator pomp. ENGLISH MUTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!
65 42%
Caddyshack (1980) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
The cast is funny in spite of the movie. Murray with his hand up a gopher corpse puppet that speaks for him would have been the way to go with the sequel.
55 22%
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) - Rated 27 Feb 2012
This time it's personal!... well sort of, but not really, what the fuck we'll do it anyway.
55 22%
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994) - Rated 17 Oct 2011
Squeezes the last few drops of funny out of Nielsen and spits them in your general direction.
20 3%
Mercury Rising (1998) - Rated 17 Oct 2011
A straightforward eugenics cull goes awry as bleeding-heart lefty Willis pokes his nose into government business. Support the president you socialist scum!